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Monday 27 April 2015

THE HOME SERIES 6 – THE DUTIES OF A MAN



When one thoroughly examines the basic dysfunctions in the home it is easy to trace the origin from the very beginning.

“Now the serpent was more crafty than any beast of the field which the LORD God had made. And he said to the woman, "Indeed, has God said, 'You shall not eat from any tree of the garden'?" 2 The woman said to the serpent, "From the fruit of the trees of the garden we may eat; 3 but from the fruit of the tree which is in the middle of the garden, God has said, 'You shall not eat from it or touch it, or you will die.' " 4 The serpent said to the woman, "You surely will not die! 5 "For God knows that in the day you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil." 6 When the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was desirable to make one wise, she took from its fruit and ate; and she gave also to her husband with her, and he ate. 7 Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loin coverings. 8 They heard the sound of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God among the trees of the garden. 9 Then the LORD God called to the man, and said to him, "Where are you?" 10 He said, "I heard the sound of You in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid myself." 11 And He said, "Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?" 12 The man said, "The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me from the tree, and I ate.” Gen 3:1-12 (NASB) 

While Adam had perfect understanding of science and nature, he had only a superficial understanding of the woman. I will attempt to illustrate what I mean by some of the actions Adam took with the hope that we men will glean the lessons thereby.

First, Adam exposed his wife to the devil. He was right there when Satan began talking to Eve and he should have immediately intervened. Women are wired to be emotional and impulsive and the man will do the family a world of good if he take up the role for speaking for the family.

Secondly, Adam did not correct the wrong impression that Satan was sowing in the mind of Eve. Satan had distorted what God told Adam and Adam should have corrected the mis-conception. The man is the teacher of his wife. You are to teach your wife what you want her to know and make her become what you want her to be. If your wife does not measure up to your standard, you have a duty to “upgrade” her. This is because though the woman is not the teacher but she has the capacity to influence her husband. Remember it was Eve that gave the apple to Adam and he ate. If the devil had attempted to influence Adam to eat the “forbidden fruit” he would have failed.

Thirdly, Adam should have fought the devil off or warded the devil off. He allowed the devil just enough time to sow the seeds that made the woman disobey God’s words. As soon as Adam saw the devil with his wife, he should have taken action. What this means is that many men tend to sweep things under the carpet in the name of maintaining peace in the home. But what you fail to confront now will confront you sooner or later. The man must be decisive and take action promptly. In other words men must learn to be in charge.

Fourthly, the man failed to take responsibility for his actions and that of his wife. This to me is the original sin. Failure to live up to one’s responsibility and passing the buck! When we blame our wives for the problems in our homes, we are as guilty as Adam and even if we are right in our own estimation, we fall completely short of God’s standard. Though it was Eve that took the apple and gave it to Adam to eat, it was Adam that God confronted and blamed.

Everyman is ultimately responsible for what happens in his own home.

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Friday 24 April 2015

THE HOME SERIES 5 - MAN AND WOMAN CREATED DIFFERENTLY

I have British author, teacher and itinerant preacher, David Pawson to thank for some of the ideas that will form today’s write up. In my previous articles in examining the duties of the man in the home setting, we looked at the man as the PROVIDER, PROTECTOR AND PROCLAIMER. However, having listened recently to a message by David Pawson, I find it expedient to tie up the loose ends of my previous postulations based on the incontrovertible fact that God created the man and the woman different. Gen 1:27 (NASB) What this implies is that we were created different physically, physiologically and psychologically. It is an established fact that though we have both have 2 hemispheres in our brains, most men use one particular side of the brain while women mostly use the other side of the brain. A typical example is that when in a situation that is threatening or in a fix, most men rely on their INTELLECT while women rely on their INTUITION. Another clear example is the fact that languages are located in the “women side’ of the brain that is why women tend to be better at learning languages than men. The dilemma we face in modern societies is that the lack of understanding of the purpose of God for the man and the woman has lead to the clamour for what is termed “gender equality and opportunities” forgetting that men and woman are fundamentally different, structurally and otherwise. What makes a man tick is completely different from what makes a woman tick and we must understand that this distinction is not intended to separate us but to make us complement each other and be more accommodating and patient with one another. It will be wrong for me for example to judge my wife by my standards and expect her to behave the way I will behave in any give situation because she just does not have the capacity. My wife can through mentoring and tutoring learn to use the “male” part of the brain but it will be unfair for me to expect that she will be what she is not fundamentally designed or as they say wired to be. I should understand that my wife is likely to say things she does not mean (and she says a lot of them anyway) and I am expected to understand while in the same vein she will hold me responsible for every word I say. In other words everyman must expect that his wife takes his words seriously while he should not take hers that seriously. To stretch this matter further a woman is likely when frustrated to say a lot of unpleasant words to her husband even if she does not really mean them as a way of “letting off steam” but that same wife will remember for a long time any unpleasant word spoken to her by the same husband. Therefore it will take a man who lacks understanding to begin to trade abuses with his wife when she is angry because while she may not mean a lot of the “rubbish”, the man means exactly what he is saying. I must also understand that because of our basic anatomical and emotional differences, my wife is more likely to feel more secure by my action more than by my words. My touch means more to her than a million words and she expects me to touch her as often as possible and not only when I want to have sex. Now for most men, touching a woman or what is called “petting” only comes when he is in the “mood” but many women want to be coddled. Being coddled does not automatically translate to wanting sex. Most women want the man to perform his role as the leader; to take the initiative over many matters; the finances of the home; the children’s education; the rent or mortgage of the house; the future of the children and other sensitive matters. We must remember that God created the man as the “penetrator” while the woman is the “receiver”. Many women prefer or clamor for a man who will help them clear their doubt, rationalize their thoughts and stabilize their emotions. When the man leaves these things undo it is only a matter of time before trouble sets in. Femiimevbore@gmail.com www.facebook.com/officialecc?ref=hl www.lifebuilder.ecwid.com www.elshaddaicovenantchurch.org

Monday 20 April 2015

THE HOME SERIES 4 - THE DUTIES OF THE MAN



“Now the serpent was more crafty than any beast of the field which the LORD God had made. And he said to the woman, "Indeed, has God said, 'You shall not eat from any tree of the garden'?" 2 The woman said to the serpent, "From the fruit of the trees of the garden we may eat; 3 but from the fruit of the tree which is in the middle of the garden, God has said, 'You shall not eat from it or touch it, or you will die.' " 4 The serpent said to the woman, "You surely will not die! 5 "For God knows that in the day you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil." 6 When the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was desirable to make one wise, she took from its fruit and ate; and she gave also to her husband with her, and he ate. 7 Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loin coverings.
8 They heard the sound of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God among the trees of the garden. 9 Then the LORD God called to the man, and said to him, "Where are you?" 10 He said, "I heard the sound of You in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid myself." 11 And He said, "Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?" 12 The man said, "The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me from the tree, and I ate.”
Gen 3:1-12 (NASB)

One viable lesson we can learn from the encounter of the fall of man in the Garden of Eden is that from God’s perspective one of the duties of the man is to be the spokesperson (PROCLAIMER) of the family. When God visited Adam and Eve after the devil had deceived them, God did not talk to the woman who was as it were the prime culprit but the man.

This has far reaching implications for the home because it is usual these days to find many men keeping mute when they ought to speak out for the family. In the US for example, I have seen it over and over again when a family has just experienced a tragedy and they are been interviewed by the media to find the man quiet while the wife does all the talking. This is an aberration of God’s original plan.

The man should and must always speak out for the family. This is important for several reasons:-
1.     It shows that God’s order is been followed in the family
2.     It portrays the family as one with the man in charge. Children want to grow up and know that their father was in charge in the affairs of the home.
3.     It reduces the tendency of emotional outbursts that is common to women.

In the time of Moses, if a woman makes a vow and the husband objects to such a vow, it becomes null and void. The man was expected to confirm or veto every major decision made by the woman.

"However, if she should marry while under her vows or the rash statement of her lips by which she has bound herself, 7 and her husband hears of it and says nothing to her on the day he hears it, then her vows shall stand and her obligations by which she has bound herself shall stand. 8 "But if on the day her husband hears of it, he forbids her, then he shall annul her vow which she is under and the rash statement of her lips by which she has bound herself; and the LORD will forgive her.
9 "But the vow of a widow or of a divorced woman, everything by which she has bound herself, shall stand against her. 10 "However, if she vowed in her husband's house, or bound herself by an obligation with an oath, 11 and her husband heard it, but said nothing to her and did not forbid her, then all her vows shall stand and every obligation by which she bound herself shall stand. 12 "But if her husband indeed annuls them on the day he hears them, then whatever proceeds out of her lips concerning her vows or concerning the obligation of herself shall not stand; her husband has annulled them, and the LORD will forgive her.
13 "Every vow and every binding oath to humble herself, her husband may confirm it or her husband may annul it. 14 "But if her husband indeed says nothing to her from day to day, then he confirms all her vows or all her obligations which are on her; he has confirmed them, because he said nothing to her on the day he heard them. 15 "But if he indeed annuls them after he has heard them, then he shall bear her guilt." Num 30:6-15 (NASB)

While I am not in any way advocating male dominance or chauvinism, the point being made is that the man must exercise his role as both protector and proclaimer of his home. 

Truth be told, the man is ultimately responsible for what goes on in the home and should be able to speak on behalf of his family.

This is God's order.  


Femiimevbore@gmail.com
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www.lifebuilder.ecwid.com


www.elshaddaicovenantchurch.org




Saturday 18 April 2015

THE HOME SERIES 3 – THE DUTIES OF THE MAN





“Now the serpent was more crafty than any beast of the field which the LORD God had made. And he said to the woman, "Indeed, has God said, 'You shall not eat from any tree of the garden'?" 2 The woman said to the serpent, "From the fruit of the trees of the garden we may eat; 3 but from the fruit of the tree which is in the middle of the garden, God has said, 'You shall not eat from it or touch it, or you will die.' " 4 The serpent said to the woman, "You surely will not die! 5 "For God knows that in the day you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil." 6 When the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was desirable to make one wise, she took from its fruit and ate; and she gave also to her husband with her, and he ate. 7 Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loin coverings.
8 They heard the sound of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God among the trees of the garden. 9 Then the LORD God called to the man, and said to him, "Where are you?" 10 He said, "I heard the sound of You in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid myself." 11 And He said, "Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?" 12 The man said, "The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me from the tree, and I ate.”
Gen 3:1-12 (NASB)

Last time we started looking at the duties of a man as the protector of his home and in reflection, I discovered that I did not actually delve into details.

I will like to list the mistakes the Adam made with the hope that it will help us as men to identify what God expects from the man as the protector of his home.

The first mistake was that he failed to shield his wife from threats. He who knew what to call all animals failed to recognize the imminent threat of leaving his wife to navigate life on her own. While not attempting to take anything away from the woman, I strongly believe that most women need the security of having a man guide them through the challenges of life affairs. To leave the woman alone to take serious decisions that will impact the entire family is an act of negligence. This was Adam’s first mistake.

The second mistake was that having fallen prey to the antics of the devil, Adam failed to defend his wife before God. He ought to have taken responsibility for what his wife did because in any case he was the one that was instructed by God and not the woman. To now turn around and blame the woman is buck passing pure and simple. We must be man enough to take responsibility for the actions of your wife even if she is wrong and you do not agree with her. 

It is an act of cowardize to leave your wife to unprotected and allowed to pay as it were for her shortcomings. I recommend that as a man who is worth his salt, your duty will be to first protect your wife and then when you come home you can begin to straighten her out. I must emphasize that I am not in anyway advocating acceptance of misbehavior but that for peace to reign in a home, the woman must have a sense of security, knowing that her husband will stand by her no matter what.

That is the challenge.

Femiimevbore@gmail.com
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www.lifebuilder.ecwid.com


www.elshaddaicovenantchurch.org

 





Wednesday 15 April 2015

THE HOME SERIES 2 – THE DUTIES OF THE MAN



THE MAN IS THE PROTECTOR.


“Now the serpent was more crafty than any beast of the field which the LORD God had made. And he said to the woman, "Indeed, has God said, 'You shall not eat from any tree of the garden'?" 2 The woman said to the serpent, "From the fruit of the trees of the garden we may eat; 3 but from the fruit of the tree which is in the middle of the garden, God has said, 'You shall not eat from it or touch it, or you will die.' " 4 The serpent said to the woman, "You surely will not die! 5 "For God knows that in the day you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil." 6 When the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was desirable to make one wise, she took from its fruit and ate; and she gave also to her husband with her, and he ate. 7 Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loin coverings.
8 They heard the sound of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God among the trees of the garden. 9 Then the LORD God called to the man, and said to him, "Where are you?" 10 He said, "I heard the sound of You in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid myself." 11 And He said, "Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?" 12 The man said, "The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me from the tree, and I ate.”
Gen 3:1-12 (NASB)

Aside being the provider the second most important duty of a man from my personal point of view is that of a PROTECTOR.

The story of how man fell in the Garden of Eden is essentially the story of what happens when a man shirks his responsibility. When Satan the tempter came to Eve, Adam did nothing to defend and protect her. He kept quiet and allowed the deceiver to have his way. It may well be that he was too busy attending to his “work” or that he assumed that the woman was capable of handling the matter.

I have come to observe that the average woman is looking for a man who will make her feel not only loved but protected. Most women find security in the fact that their husbands are there for them and they can rely on him. 

As a man you need to know that no matter how tough a woman appears to be they are more easily prone to being swayed emotional than the man. The Tempter carefully chose Eve because he realized that Eve was lively to be the one who would be sentimental and trusting. The tragedy is not the fact that Eve fell for the antics of the Devil but that Adam was unable to protect and defend his wife from making a colossal mistake.
In the African setting especially, it is common to find men leave their wives at the mercy of relatives and friends especially when such men are close to their mothers. I remember when I was about to get married and my wife (who was my fiancée at that time) was being summoned to a family meeting by my family without my knowledge because she disciplined my little cousin who was living with me, I made it very clear from the onset that nobody has the right to summon my wife without my permission. I felt at that time and do still feel that it was my responsibility to protect my wife from any external threat no matter the source.

This brings to my mind the classic example of what Jacob did when faced with the presumed threat of meeting his brother Esua who he had betrayed and stolen the blessing from. 

 The messengers returned to Jacob, saying, "We came to your brother Esau, and furthermore he is coming to meet you, and four hundred men are with him." 7 Then Jacob was greatly afraid and distressed; and he divided the people who were with him, and the flocks and the herds and the camels, into two companies; 8 for he said, "If Esau comes to the one company and attacks it, then the company which is left will escape."  Gen 32:6-8 (NASB)

“Then Jacob lifted his eyes and looked, and behold, Esau was coming, and four hundred men with him. So he divided the children among Leah and Rachel and the two maids. 2 He put the maids and their children in front, and Leah and her children next, and Rachel and Joseph last. 3 But he himself passed on ahead of them and bowed down to the ground seven times, until he came near to his brother. Gen 33:1-3 (NASB)

Jacob had heard that Esua was coming to meet him with 400 men. This created fear in him and he decided to divide his family into three groups saying in case Esua attacks one group the others will flee. What was significant was that he put himself in front of the perceived threat. At least if he was killed by his brother, then his wives and children will find a way to escape.

This is the example for all men to follow. You cannot claim to love your wife and do nothing to ensure that she is protected from threats both internal and external. There are men who treat their wives like second class citizens in their homes preferring their siblings over and above their spouses, which is not God’s order of things.

Your wife deserves your protection from any form of threat or aggression. It is the duty of the man to make the woman feel safe and secured in her home. It is the duty of a man as much as humanly possible to protect his wife from financial, emotional, psychological and physical threats.

Anything short of this negates God’s word and can only lead to problems in the home.

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, “Eph 5:25 (NASB)

Any man who cannot defend his wife with his life is not what being called a man.

Femiimevbore@gmail.com
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www.lifebuilder.ecwid.com


www.elshaddaicovenantchurch.org

 





Monday 13 April 2015

THE HOME SERIES 1 – THE DUTIES OF THE MAN




I must first apologize for been offline for the past two weeks as I was involved in our National Easter Leadership Conference which took place from 2nd to 5th of April, 2015 and shortly afterwards had to travel for the burial ceremony of the Late mother of my father in the Lord Dr. James Iruobe. These two events left me with no time at all to attend to any form of constructive writing.

Now that I am back on the block, I will like us to examine the duties of the man in the home. In doing this we shall be examining what God’s original intention was of the man vis-à-vis his relationship to his wife and the home.

Then the LORD God took the man and put him into the garden of Eden to cultivate it and keep it. 16 The LORD God commanded the man, saying, "From any tree of the garden you may eat freely; 17 but from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat from it you will surely die."
18 Then the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him." 19 Out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the sky, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the man called a living creature, that was its name. 20 The man gave names to all the cattle, and to the birds of the sky, and to every beast of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him. 21 So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. 22 The LORD God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. 23 The man said,
"This is now bone of my bones,
And flesh of my flesh;
She shall be called Woman,
Because she was taken out of Man." 24 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. 25 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.  Gen 2:15-25 (NASB)

The first thing we see is that God gave man a job first to do before he provided him with a wife. That is to say that the man is expected under divine order and arrangement to be the PROVIDER for his home. Anything outside this is an anomaly and an aberration from God’s perspective. Therefore, all the clamour for equality in the home falls flat against the backdrop that God made the man busy before making the woman as his helper. If any woman finds herself in the role of the provider she is actually helping out rather than fulfilling a primary responsibility. In a nut shell the primary responsibility of a man in the home is to be the provider. 

Unfortunately, the economic realities sometimes makes it practically impossible for the man to play this role but truth be told, it does not in any way absolve him of that responsibility. As the saying goes in Management Sciences “You can delegate authority but you cannot delegate responsibility”.

It is the responsibility of the man to be the bread winner and when a man shirks this responsibility Paul say he is worse than an infidel (unbeliever). 

 But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. 1 Tim 5:8 (NASB)

Man was essentially created to work and many men find their essence in their work. Women must realize that to attempt to fight your husband because he is a workaholic is to fight a lost battle ab-initio. Men by nature are workaholic! Imagine God asking Adam to name all the animals that exist and he did so – the share enormity of the task will take only a workaholic to achieve. 

It is also interesting to note that while the man was busy he did not realize his need for a helper until God intervened. What this tells us is that many men tend naturally to neglect even their homes when they are engrossed in their jobs. While I am not endorsing this habit, I am trying to point out this reality that it would appear that most men tend to “value” their jobs more than their homes. 

The wife most understand this reality and rather than pick issues she should try to help the man find a balance so as to ensure that he does not pursue his ambition to the detriment of the home. That is why God created the woman to help the man redirect his focus from his work to his home. Until the woman appeared on the scene all that mattered to the man was his work.

To say a man loves his work more than his home is to state the reality. So wife, stop quarreling over his work and find ways to assist his focus on the home also. 

Femiimevbore@gmail.com
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www.lifebuilder.ecwid.com


www.elshaddaicovenantchurch.org