WILL YOUR SPOUSE CHANGE 2?

Last time I highlighted the fact that many me over time change their habits, tastes and like and tried to explain that this kind of change is a natural consequence of maturity as least from the male point of view.

Having said that let us now examine whether woman change over time. As a man I am sure that obvious answer is a resounding YES. All you need to do is look at your wedding picture again and you will notice the obvious change. I am sure sure your wife is at least twice the size she was when you married her?

But it is not really from the point of view of physical change one is approaching this issue. What is of paramount interest to me in addressing a topic such as this is whether the woman's habits change over time.

I am wont to say that irrespective of what physical changes women pass through unlike the men their habits tend to remain fixated over time. Women have a propensity to be more predictable and stable over the years. I have discovered that my wife's taste and likes are very much the same after more than 25 years of marriage.

The crux of the matter is that while the man tend to alter much of his taste, the woman tends to remain fixed in hers and unless there is understanding between them this kind of inadvertent experience can pose a problem if not handled with maturity.

Many couples start their relationships having very many things in common but over time if you agree with my postulation, you discover that they tend to drift apart in their preferences and then tension sets in and before you know it there can be conflicts.

What I always advocate is dialogue. Couples must agree to always discuss their fears and anxieties with each other and bring to the front burner anything that is capable of fueling conflict in the home.

Dialogue is the key to successful conflict resolution. Anything that is swept under the carpet will turn around to haunt the marriage in future.

God bless you.

Femiimevbore@gmail.com
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WILL YOUR SPOUSE CHANGE?

A woman was complaining to her friend one day saying " I no longer understand my husband, he has changed. In fact this is not the same man that I married".

This is one of the problems that many homes go through where the expectations are unrealistic and unreasonable. To expect that your spouse will not change is to be naive. Change in life is a constant and a good look in the mirror will confirm that whether you like it or not change is inevitable.

Let me speak first of all from the man's point of view. I have observed over the years that there are certain areas in a man's life where changes may occur. Sometime such changes are so drastic that it begins to look like a metamorphosis. Here are some typical examples.

1. Change in Life style:
When men are younger, they tend to be more conscious of their looks and dressing  but this tendency seems to wane as they mature. As men grow older they tend to care less about their looks.

2. Change in taste:
Most men tend to change their taste over time and what was once very attractive to them may no longer appeal to them over time.

3. Change in temperament:
Moods and temperaments tend to change with age. Usually the older the man, the more patient he is likely to become. I have seem cases of men who were once very volatile in their youth becoming almost docile in their matured years. Having said this the reverse may be the case where someone was once quiet and docile becoming aggressive and hostile in later years.

The import of this discuss is that as a woman do not assume that your husband will remain the same man you married over the years. He will definitely change in more than one ways and you should be prepared to accommodate these changes  or else you will become frustrated.

The reason why men change over the years is something for another day but suffice it to say that there are bound to be changes.

So what do you do to cope with this inevitable reality?
1. Do not think you spouse is incapable of changing - he will over time
2. When you begin to notice changes in his behavior or taste,  take time to find out why? It may just be a reaction to something you are doing or fail to do!
3. You must also be willing to accommodate (ignore) any change that will not drastically affect your relationship.
4. Be ready to change to align with whatever direction your spouse is changing towards. Your spouse may suddenly begin to develop a likeness for say football; do not be a clog in the realization of his new fancy, you too can adjust to accommodate this new trend.

I have also discovered that as men grow older their taste in women changes. While at one time they were attracted to the opposite sex by a particular feature, over time because of a number of factors too numerous to discuss here, such taste may change sometimes very drastically.

That is why as a woman you must be on top of what your husband like per time. Do not assume that the man you married 10, 20, 30 years ago is still the same.

He is not the same! At least I can speak for myself and a few men I know.

God bless you.

Femiimevbore@gmail.com
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www.lifebuilder.ecwid.com
www.elshaddaicovenantchurch.org 

PLANNING FOR YOUR KIDS 7 – DISCIPLINING CHILDREN

“He that spareth his rod hateth his son; but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes” Proverbs 13:24 Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.” Proverbs 22:15

When growing up in the 60s and 70s, discipline was at its optimum; in fact if you were disciplined in school and your parents got to know, you will be punished at home for bringing shame to the family. Unfortunately, starting from the 80 and 90 occasioned by watering down of societal values, the issue of discipline of children has taken the back stage.

There was the classic example of my personal experience as a teacher in Benin. In 1988, I was teaching Integrated Science in Adolo College, Benin City, Nigeria and was the class teacher of one of the JSS 2 classes. There was this particular boy who was disciplined in school for a particular offense and the boy went home and lied to his mother. The woman without asking questions came to the school threatening brimstone and fire and created such an embarrassing scene that when she later discovered that the son had lied to her, she left the school in shame. She was annoyed that a teacher had the audacity to cane her son in school only to discover that the boy deserved to have been punished for what he did. 

Growing up our parents never spared the rod and it baffles me that our generation has resulted to pampering our own children. The issue of corporal punishment though contentious must be understood in context of the fact that a child who is never punished for an offense ends up becoming uncontrollable and decadent.

As a Christian father and teacher, I advocate that the rod must be present in every home as a symbol of discipline. The frequency of use of the rod however is another matter entirely but its absence is what I completely kick against. Every home must have a cane (rod) of correction.

Another anomaly I see is that discipline is left in the hands of one of the parents. I have heard some mothers tell their husbands not to beat their children creating the impression in the minds of the children that the man is a monster who is only being wicked in the exercise of his duty as the father of the home.

For every home that will bring up children that will not end up bringing disgrace to the family, discipline must be a joint responsible. Even if you do not agree with the method being employed by your spouse never oppose him or her in the presence of the children or else you will end up causing division in the home. The best thing to do is to look away at that moment and then privately rebuke or correct your spouse. The children must see the two of you in agreement over everything including their discipline.

The man has the primary responsibility to discipline his children and I advise mother to always allow the man play that role. If your children misbehave in the absence of their father, it is good advice to say to them things like “When your father comes, he will discipline you” and the man must live up to this responsibility when he comes.

Remember you are responsible for how your children will turn out whether for good or bad!

God bless you

Femiimevbore@gmail.com
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www.lifebuilder.ecwid.com
www.elshaddaicovenantchurch.org