HANDLING CONFLICTS IN THE HOME

 

"Can Two work together except they are in agreement?" Amos 3:3.

Without doubt there will always be conflicts in the home. There are fundamental issues that potentially can cause conflicts and they include but are not limited to money issue, in-laws, children, sex, career issues, dishonesty and mistrust among many other issues. It is not the presence of issues that matter but the way issues are handled whenever they arise.

The key to handling conflict in the home is agreement. This has been well covered in the book "4 Things Intending Couples Must Agree On Before Marriage" by Dr. James Iruobe. In this book the author noted that if only couples could seat down and talk and agree upon certain things that will guide their marriage even before the start the marital journey then conflicts would be reduced to the barest minimum.

It is important to note that even when you have been married a long time except you agree on important issues you stand the risk of quarreling all the time. Therefore couples must learn the act of conflict resolution. In my own home our children have heard us argue many times but my wife and I always find a way to reconcile and forge ahead.

To reduce conflict agree before hand that you will always seat down and talk about your differences. Agree that no third party will be involved in settling your matters as much as possible. Agree that in-laws will not be involved and that you will not report your spouse to your parents. If any third party is to be involved in settling any disputes let it be only when the two of you have tried unsuccessfully to resolve the issue and then you may involve your Pastor or a marriage counselor. Always try not to involve family members who are likely to take sides one way or the other.

Another important thing to note is that it does not pay to sweep issues under the carpet. let your spouse know just how you feel about issues. Many times people who refuse to confront issues when they happens bottle up so much animosity that when they eventually explode, the damage is usually irreparable.

Remember, if you always try to be right and stick to your position even when you are convinced that you are correct, the health and longevity of your marriage depends on your ability to shift grounds and concede victory to the other party. After if your wife wins a argument over you, it is still your victory.

Be blessed.

DIALOGUE IS KEY

Yesterday I have lunch with a wonderful couple I shall leave unnamed and our conversations centered around better communication between couples.

As we discussed and shared ideas it dawned on me that conflicts also arise not only as a result of things said but also as a result of thing not said. Our body language, facial expression and posture can convey a powerful message that even words may be unable to pass across.

 When we fail to discuss issues and sweep them under the carpet, what will invariably manifest is that our body language begin to speak louder than our words. what we fail to vocalize is substituted by our actions are interpreted to convey even with the best of intentions.

The best way out of conflicts in the home is to talk. We as men should be grateful that women have the natural disposition to talk therefore the problem seems to fall upon the shoulder of the men to allow dialogue to be a regular feature of the home.

When we talk to each other, our objective should be to clarify our position on things and not to win a verbal battle. When we allow emotions to take the place or reason and persuasion we actually worsen the situation.
The spouse that feels verbally defeated will shy away from engaging the other in further discussions because he or she wants to avoid further emotional damage and therefore issues are bottled up.

The couple I had lunch with told me they discuss anything and everything. They even talk about the temptations they face with the opposite sex, so that they are able to find strength and support in each other.

This is what marriage should be!

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WINNING THE ARGUMENT

Greetings friends. I once again apologize for another hiatus this time because of certain engagements that took my out of the office. However, I trust that your home has been experiencing the blessing and peace of God.

The topic today is inspired by a marriage talk that took place when we had our couples dinner anchored by the men's fellowship of Elshaddai Covenant Church, 7, Social Club Road, Abule Egba, Lagos. In his address to us Dr. Tunji Bamgbose of the Baptist Church, Festac, Lagos made me realize that one of thee greatest obstacle to building a strong home is the problem of the right kind of communication.

While there are many definitions of communication, but the one I choose to stick with is "saying the right word at the right time". The Bible says "A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger" Proverbs 15:1.

Many times what causes trouble is not so much the issues on ground but how the issues are communicated or tackled by what we say, do or refrain from doing.

There is no home or relationship where there will not be arguments or misunderstanding but what strengthens relationships is the ability to resolve conflicts and misunderstanding in a mature and godly manner.

When you have an argument what is your goal? Do you want to win the argument at all cost because you feel that losing the argument will diminish your ego or status?

Winning an argument may give you what appears to be a temporal victory but ultimately you may have lost the battle of winning a friend or spouse.

Your objective should not be to win an argument but to present your strong reasons. If your spouse chooses not to accept your views or position, you have lost nothing because if you are right ultimately time will vindicate you.

Like I learned at that seminar, politeness is a sign of maturity. Winning an argument over your spouse is a lose -lose situation.

Femiimevbore@gmail.com
www.facebook.com/officialecc?ref=hl
www.lifebuilder.ecwid.com 
www.elshaddaicovenantchurch.org