HANDLING DIFFICULT PEOPLE

Last time I tried to explain that difficult people are persons who carry as it were a lot of emotional baggages. I do not for one moment believe there is anyone born with the tendency to be rude and uncouth. We are mostly products of our backgrounds and environment as far as our attitudes and behaviors are concerned.

So who is a difficult person? This is a subject that is sometimes difficult to agree on totally as what may be termed difficult in one situation may appear quite normal in another situation but basically there are some traits that are generally associated with difficult people.

1. A difficult person is STUBBORN - Stubbornness is the tendency to have one's way all the time. If one carries such a tendency into marriage, then one is clearly looking for trouble because in marriage compromise is a key ingredient to success.

2. A difficult person is DOMINEERING -this is the tendency to be bossy. To cajole others to do your bidding. Being domineering may not necessarily manifest as being aggressive because you can dominate your spouse without being aggressive. For example a wife who uses sex to dominate her husband may do so in a subtle way.

3. A difficult person is UNFORGIVING - this is the tendency to always bring the other's fault to fore whenever you have an argument. If you keep recycling the others faults and weak points then you have not really forgiven.

4. A difficult person is VENGEFUL - this is the tendency to always repay people for what they have done to you. The principle of an eye for an eye! I used to have a boss who will never take sorry from anyone, he must pay back or else he says he cannot sleep. Now such a disposition can only be taken by someone who can never do wrong. We all need to be forgiven at one time or the other so we need to extend mercy to all who deserve our mercy and to those who do not deserve our mercy.

5. A difficult person is INCORRIGIBLE - the tendency to make repeated mistakes in spite of corrections. It is okay to make a mistake but we are all expected to learn from our mistakes. Therefore when we make the same mistake over and over again, then it is either we have not learned our lessons or we are plainly stupid.

More next time!

God bless you.

Femiimevbore@gmail.com
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www.elshaddaicovenantchurch.org  

HANDLING A DIFFICULT PARTNER

First of all I must apologize for another French leave which I had to take to be able to participate fully in our just concluded Easter Leadership Conference, a yearly retreat that brings all our leaders and other delegates from across the globe to Lagos for 4 days of teachings and worship alongside various workshops that leaves you more equipped to face the remaining year. I will like you to be my guest when next we meet at Easter.

Having said that, today's topic came to my mind as a result of a lecture I delivered in an Engineering Services company recently. Because I had to do a bit of research the topic really broadened my scope and made me realize that this is one problem that many face whether in the work place or at home.

Let me lay some foundations here before we delve into what ever I have to say.

The first thing I want to point out here at least in the marriage setting is that every relationship starts out with a lot of courtesy and kind words. Hardly will you stick to someone who is uncouth and rude to you. In fact as soon as the person begins to show signs of being difficult, you are likely going to call it quits. What I am trying to point out is that a difficult person may appear to be gentle and pleasant at the onset because he or she will want to put their best foot forward.

Secondly, being difficult is usually a consequence of background and upbringing. A child who grows up in a house where abuse and unkind words are the norm may very likely imbibe such behavior because he or she sees it as normal.

Thirdly, being a difficult person may arise out of a sudden traumatic experience which the person is unable to cope with psychologically and as a defense mechanism takes the posture of a aggressor.

Fourthly, the difficult person may be demon possesses. As much as you may want to dismiss this possibility, there is compelling evidence to show that many of people are influenced by powers beyond their control. There are many who cannot explain why they behave the way they do and I can only attribute such behavior to demonic manipulations.

It is pertinent to note that difficult people are human beings who are grappling with issues and unless we understand where they are coming from we will always react to them in a way that will always aggravate the situation.

If you spouse is difficult there is hope.

More next time

Femiimevbore@gmail.com
www.facebook.com/officialecc?ref=hl
www.lifebuilder.ecwid.com 
www.elshaddaicovenantchurch.org