HANDLING JOY KILLERS - NON -FORGIVENESS

Last time we examined what infidelity can do to kill the joy in any home and today I will like us to look at another joy killer - non-forgiveness!

Without doubt it is impossible to live with someone and not offend the person more so when you are people coming from two different backgrounds. The fact that no two persons even identical twins are the same poses the problem of tolerance and the ability to accommodate each others' excesses.

When Peter asked Jesus the classical questions, "how often should my brother offend me each day and I have to forgive him" as well as trying to place a human ceiling on it be asking further "Seven times"? It is interesting that Jesus said seventy times seven every day. This means that we are to be able to bear with offenses up to 490 times per day.

"Then Peter came and said to Him, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?" 22 Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven. "Matt 18:21-22 (NASB)


Each times Jesus was confronted with his opinion about moral issues, he always lifted the standards high making it imperative for you and I to depend on him because to be able to forgive people humanly speaking, is a hard thing.  You will agree with me that it is virtually impossible for someone to offend you up to 200 times per day not to talk of 490 times per day. Statistically speaking, Jesus was positing that our ability to forgive must has not limit.


The first thing I want to say, is that when people hurt us especially people we love and trust, an emotional wall is automatically built around us in an attempt to shield and protect us from the consequences of been vulnerable to further hurt or abuse. This is what makes people bitter or become violent towards someone they hitherto profess to love. This emotional war within is something that many of us cannot deal with and this causes us to take the position of anger, resentment and bitterness.

I am not for one minute saying that to be angry or bitter is unnatural but what the Bible teaches is that our anger ( a legitimate reaction towards hurt or pain) must expire before the sun comes down. This is the crux of the matter.

 "BE ANGRY, AND yet DO NOT SIN; do not let the sun go down on your anger,". Eph 4:26 (NASB)

When people hurt us, the wounds and scars last longer than the physical hurt itself and anytime we see the person, our memories are refreshed about the ugly incident and we tend to become bitter again.

Christianity teaches us to forgive not necessarily because the other person deserves to be forgiven but because non forgiveness put you in chains. My mentor and teacher Dr. James Iruobe says if you quarrel with someone, you will not allow him into your house but you carry him in your heart everywhere you go.

It is without doubt difficult to forgive someone who has been so deceitful and unfaithful and who has cheated you but until you find the fortitude to forgive, you may never find the peace and joy that is the bliss of marriage.

Someone once said I carry a bag of forgiveness around, so that when I am offended I quickly dig into my bag and bring one out suitable for the occasion.

Remember as a Christian your spouse needs to exceed the 490 mark each day for you to be bitter towards him or her and say "I can never forgive her".

I leave you with what Jesus said in the beatitudes; "Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy".

God bless you

Femiimevbore@gmail.com
www.facebook.com/officialecc?ref=hl
www.lifebuilder.ecwid.com


www.elshaddaicovenantchurch.org


UPCOMING EVENT #EasterLeadershipConference
 
Our Annual Easter Leadership Conference 2nd to 5th April, 2015
Venue: Elshaddai Covenant Church
            7, Social Club Road, Off Charity Road, Abule Egba, Lagos, Nigeria
Time: 8:30am morning session; 5pm evening session. 

UNDERSTANDING THE MARRIAGE COVENANT – PATIENCE AND TOLERANCE

A man of God once told this story. A young lady who had newly married came to him asking him to help her because she just discovered she had married the wrong person and wanted out of the marriage. She was a member of her church’s prison evangelism team and had been visiting and witnessing to this inmate for a while. Later a friendship developed because this inmate had no family and she became the only “family” he had. When he was to be discharged from prison, he had no body and nowhere to go and so she decided to harbor him. To cut a long story short a romance ensued and not long after they were married.

The problem was that she was brought up to eat with cutleries and on a table with proper table manners and all that it entails. She was also a very neat and proper person who was almost impeccable in her habits. He husband was completely the opposite; he had no table manners, ate with his fingers and will fling his clothes anywhere; on the couch, chair, ground to the annoyance of this lady. In short she discovered that she was completely “incompatible” with this man.

The man of God told her that he was only empowered by God to join people and never to separate them. Pastors and clergymen were never mandated to separate or divorce couples and so he told them to do an experiment for the next two months which he called “one week in, one week out”.
What he simply told them to do was live the way it suits one partner for one week and the next week switch unto the way of the life of the other partner. Your guess is as good as mine that the couple did not separate but found marital live very blissful because they found a way to be patient with each other and to tolerate each other. One week they ate without cutleries and did not observe any table manners and the next week they ate with cutleries and observed all table etiquettes. The man learned to live like his wife and the wife learned to live like the husband and their quarrels completely disappeared.

Anyone who is determined to make his marriage work must imbibe these two principles – patience and tolerance. If you are an impatient person, please pray for the grace to be patient. If you are intolerant, you also need to ask God for grace to tolerate people.

As Christians, Christ is patient with us, tolerating all our misdeeds and shortcomings yet loving us in spite of the fact that many times we are unlovable.

You ought to demonstrate the same token to your partner. Try the principle behind “one week in, one week out” because it will work for you.

God bless you.

Femi Imevbore
+2348080929292
femiimevbore@gmail.com
www.facebook.com/officialecc?ref=hl
www.lifebuilder.ecwid.com

www.elshaddaicovenantchurch.org

 

click here to watch our Life Builders Series - The story of Jacob and Rachel
http://youtu.be/xHGv5etQ5oU