HANDLING CONFLICTS IN THE HOME

 

"Can Two work together except they are in agreement?" Amos 3:3.

Without doubt there will always be conflicts in the home. There are fundamental issues that potentially can cause conflicts and they include but are not limited to money issue, in-laws, children, sex, career issues, dishonesty and mistrust among many other issues. It is not the presence of issues that matter but the way issues are handled whenever they arise.

The key to handling conflict in the home is agreement. This has been well covered in the book "4 Things Intending Couples Must Agree On Before Marriage" by Dr. James Iruobe. In this book the author noted that if only couples could seat down and talk and agree upon certain things that will guide their marriage even before the start the marital journey then conflicts would be reduced to the barest minimum.

It is important to note that even when you have been married a long time except you agree on important issues you stand the risk of quarreling all the time. Therefore couples must learn the act of conflict resolution. In my own home our children have heard us argue many times but my wife and I always find a way to reconcile and forge ahead.

To reduce conflict agree before hand that you will always seat down and talk about your differences. Agree that no third party will be involved in settling your matters as much as possible. Agree that in-laws will not be involved and that you will not report your spouse to your parents. If any third party is to be involved in settling any disputes let it be only when the two of you have tried unsuccessfully to resolve the issue and then you may involve your Pastor or a marriage counselor. Always try not to involve family members who are likely to take sides one way or the other.

Another important thing to note is that it does not pay to sweep issues under the carpet. let your spouse know just how you feel about issues. Many times people who refuse to confront issues when they happens bottle up so much animosity that when they eventually explode, the damage is usually irreparable.

Remember, if you always try to be right and stick to your position even when you are convinced that you are correct, the health and longevity of your marriage depends on your ability to shift grounds and concede victory to the other party. After if your wife wins a argument over you, it is still your victory.

Be blessed.

Problems of Marriage 2

Inadequate Preparation

It has been estimated that over 80% of married people are ill-prepared before tying the nuptial nut with their spouse. A lot is said about the wedding day and elaborate preparations made towards making a grand impression and creating as much publicity about the wedding but this is usually done at the detriment of the long time commitment that marriage entails.

Parents often do not do much to prepare their children for the demands for such long term commitments and so the children only know so much about marriage by what they see on TV and what they observe from their parents. Unfortunately, TV only tends to glorify casual sex and infidelity as virtues rather than what they truly are.

Some couples have jumped into marriages without adequate preparations and the book “Four Things Intending Couples Must Agree On Before Getting Married”is primarily meant to prepare you for marriage. It is also an attempt to make those who are already married do the “right” things they should have done before they got married. If by chance you are already married and you did not agree on these things; then you could still sit down, talk with your spouse and agree. It is not too late to start afresh.

A young man went to a swimming pool and saw people swimming and he thought it was a simple thing to stay afloat. So he jumped into the water and sank. Why? He did not know that it takes lots of practice to learn to stay afloat. Many people have jumped into marriage that way and before you know it, they start looking for help here and there because they had been inadequately prepared for marriage.

You need to be well prepared mentally, emotionally and financially for marriage. You also need a lot of good counseling from parents and trained counselors who will tell you the bare facts. 

Marriage is not romance or sex though they play a vital role in cementing the union between a man and a woman in holy matrimony because when the thrill and emotional high clouds have dissipated, it take hard work for any marriage to work.

Femi Imevbore
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