KEEPING COMMON FRIENDS

Last weekend I had the opportunity of attending a function and I witnessed a newly wedded couple as they mingled with the crowd. The wife was obviously more conversant with the crowd and very soon the husband was left alone for a long stretch of time.

This got me thinking about how couples incorporate and manage their friends as they navigate the delicate labyrinth of the marriage institution. I remember that when I got married my wife and I had to decide on the type of friends we were to keep close to the family.

There was a particular friend I had who before I got married had always tended to take advantage of me, although I did not mind too much, but my wife felt that I was the one who was investing so much in the friendship and getting little if nothing out of it. For one reason or the other my wife was not comfortable with my friendship with this chap and over the years she has been largely vindicated because the friend has virtually disappeared into thin air. There are some friends of mine that have over the years become virtually members of our family because both my wife and I endorse their friendship.

The crust of the matter is that friends have a way of influencing our marriage one way or the other. Most third party influence in the home comes from either relatives or friends and usually friends have a disposition to compel us to do what they do.

My observation last weekend showed my the danger inherent from the way the young couple were carrying on. If the marriage is to avoid the pitfall of undue third party influence from friends, they both must have common friends.

They must seat down and decide from both sides the friends they both will be comfortable with and try and relate to such friends as a family. In other words, at the level of marriage the two of you should have more family friends than personal friends.

My wife's friend ought to be my friend to the extent that I should be comfortable with such a person. If my wife's friend makes me uncomfortable then my wife should begin to re-appraise her relationship with such a person and vice versa.

What the wife I referred to ought to have done was to bring her friends to meet her husband or take her husband around to meet her friends. To make the man seat down while gallivanting is unacceptable.

I will like to have your comments on this.

Femiimevbore@gmail.com
www.facebook.com/officialecc?ref=hl
www.lifebuilder.ecwid.com

www.elshaddaicovenantchurch.org

HANDLING JOY KILLERS - THIRD PARTY INFLUENCE

There are certain things that shape our world view and influence our behavior and one strong type of influence is that of people around you. There is the common saying "tell me your friends and I will tell you who you are".

Such a statement though may tend to be over simplified but it portrays a truth to wit that people in our lives influence us either positively or negatively. Many people tried their first shot of hard drugs through the influence of someone close to them. Many teenagers try sex for the first time as a result of peer pressure and many other things as well.

The story that immediately comes to my mind is taken from 1 Samuel 13: 1-33. Amnon was the first son of David who fell in love with his half sister, Tamar the sister of Absalom. Amnon did not know what to do about this his longing (at least at that time it would have been permitted that he married his half sister) so he confided in his friend Jonadab, who was actually a cousin of his. The Bible says about Jonadab:

"But Amnon has a friend, whose name was Jonadab, the son of Shimeah, David's brother: and Jonadab was a very subtle (crafty) man. 1 Samuel 13:3

It was Jonadab who helped Amnon hatch the plot to corner Tamar and eventually Amnon raped his sister and after defiling her drove her away from his presence. Two years down the line, because David was not going to do any thing about this injustice, Absalom plotted and killed Amnon. Guess who was on hand to "comfort" David the king - Jonadab of course.

What I want you to see here is that Jonadab's influence upon Amnon ushered in untold trouble in the house of David. It was from one disaster to another. You may say that David was getting what he rightly deserved for killing Uriah the Hittite and marrying his wife Bathsheba, but the point is that it all come to manifestation as a result of the influence Jonadab had on Amnon. Tamar was raped and defiled; Amnon himself was murdered; Absalom fled to exile and began to plot the overthrow of his father who he now disdained.

Reading the story I have often wondered what could have happened if Jonadab's influence was a positive one and had told Amnon to shelve such an ungodly desire.

Applying this story to marriages, there are some people whose influence you do not need in your home. There are many people who envy the peace and tranquility in your home and wish they were in your shoes. There are also some other who believe that every other person should suffer if they are suffering and they they derive satisfaction when your home is in trouble.

One way to identify joy killers is when they advise you to pick a fight with your spouse. Have you ever heard someone tell you something like "I do not take this type of thing from my spouse"? Or something like "my wife (or husband) cannot try this with me? Another sure sign of a potential joy killer is someone that makes you to compare your spouse with someone else or compares your marriage with another person's marriage.

Anyone no matter how close he or she is that tends to escalate trouble between you and your spouse is a joy killer.

My one advice - stay away from such people because that is the only way to avoid their evil influence.

God bless you

Femiimevbore@gmail.com
www.facebook.com/officialecc?ref=hl
www.lifebuilder.ecwid.com

www.elshaddaicovenantchurch.org


UPCOMING EVENT #EasterLeadershipConference
 
Our Annual Easter Leadership Conference 2nd to 5th April, 2015
Venue: Elshaddai Covenant Church
            7, Social Club Road, Off Charity Road, Abule Egba, Lagos, Nigeria
Time: 8:30am morning session; 5pm evening session.