WINNING THE ARGUMENT

Greetings friends. I once again apologize for another hiatus this time because of certain engagements that took my out of the office. However, I trust that your home has been experiencing the blessing and peace of God.

The topic today is inspired by a marriage talk that took place when we had our couples dinner anchored by the men's fellowship of Elshaddai Covenant Church, 7, Social Club Road, Abule Egba, Lagos. In his address to us Dr. Tunji Bamgbose of the Baptist Church, Festac, Lagos made me realize that one of thee greatest obstacle to building a strong home is the problem of the right kind of communication.

While there are many definitions of communication, but the one I choose to stick with is "saying the right word at the right time". The Bible says "A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger" Proverbs 15:1.

Many times what causes trouble is not so much the issues on ground but how the issues are communicated or tackled by what we say, do or refrain from doing.

There is no home or relationship where there will not be arguments or misunderstanding but what strengthens relationships is the ability to resolve conflicts and misunderstanding in a mature and godly manner.

When you have an argument what is your goal? Do you want to win the argument at all cost because you feel that losing the argument will diminish your ego or status?

Winning an argument may give you what appears to be a temporal victory but ultimately you may have lost the battle of winning a friend or spouse.

Your objective should not be to win an argument but to present your strong reasons. If your spouse chooses not to accept your views or position, you have lost nothing because if you are right ultimately time will vindicate you.

Like I learned at that seminar, politeness is a sign of maturity. Winning an argument over your spouse is a lose -lose situation.

Femiimevbore@gmail.com
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www.lifebuilder.ecwid.com 
www.elshaddaicovenantchurch.org 

UNDERSTANDING THE MARRIAGE COVENANT – HANDLING JOY KILLERS

On the third day there was a wedding in Cana of Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there; 2 and both Jesus and His disciples were invited to the wedding. 3 When the wine ran out, the mother of Jesus said* to Him, "They have no wine." John 2:1-3

Last time we examined the fact that joy can dissipate from a marriage. This process of dissipation occurs over time and depending on the couple involved and the circumstances they find themselves, for some joy disappears within days while for other it takes longer.

The issue is that if one does not take appropriate steps, the joy and excitement one feels when you marry your spouse could easily vanish. The myth of “the lived happily ever after” is really what it is – a myth.
Everyone who has succeeded in making their marriage work will tell you that marriage is hard work; it is not also for the immature or faint hearted. It is for those who are willing and have resolved to make their marriage and home succeed.

There are certain things that work against joy which I term joy killers that require a concerted effort to overcome if your marriage must work.

The first of joy killers in the home is pride. Now when we understand that everyone has a measure of self worth, then we must realize that one is not talking about self worth but arrogance and the propensity to be egocentric. The ego is one “beast” that clamors for our attention and is sensitive to what other do or do not do to us. It is the ego that demands that people respect us and place us on a pedestal in life that we ourselves have not earned nor deserve.

The kind of pride I am referring to is the one that says things like “who are you to talk to me like that?”; or “am I the one you are the one you are insulting?”. I have come to realize that it is only my wife that has the audacity to talk to me in ways that no other person, not even my mother or father can. I am not advocating for once that my spouse should take the liberty to talk down on me or insult me but in case she steps out of line and does, I must understand that it is because she is my wife that she can do that.

Ordinarily, if someone talks rudely to me the natural tendency is to defend myself from abuse and hurt but as a Christian I am learning to become immune to verbal abuse. 

Anyone who is able to master his emotions and keep his pride in check is one who is destined to succeed in every endeavor including marriage.

I once read a statement that says “Meekness is not weakness but strength under control”.
One thing that will threaten the joy of your marriage is pride. If you succeed in controlling pride I see joy enveloping your home.

More next time.

femiimevbore@gmail.com
www.facebook.com/officialecc?ref=hl
www.lifebuilder.ecwid.com

www.elshaddaicovenantchurch.org


UPCOMING EVENT
 
Our Annual Easter Leadership Conference 2nd to 5th April, 2015
Venue: Elshaddai Covenant Church
            7, Social Club Road, Off Charity Road, Abule Egba, Lagos, Nigeria
Time: 8:30am morning session; 5pm evening session.