SECRETS IN MARRIAGE

In our last discuss, we looked at a scenario where a man who strayed into fornication confessed to his wife and but for the grace of God found it had to receive forgiveness from his wife. He felt that if he had kept the truth to himself, he would have saved himself the trauma he went through.

I am sure many men feel the same way but I tried to establish the fact that nothing done under the sun ever remains a secret forever. the truth will eventually come out and bang - the consequences are often graver that when confession is made ab-initio.

So as not to sound gender biased, let us look at the converse situation. When a woman has a secret in her life, will it be expedient for her to confess or to keep quiet hoping the truth will not be found?

I have come to discover that women also have secrets and most times the secrets of women are better kept than men. If a woman is having an affair for example, she can be very discreet about it. It is usually the man that exposes the secret because men tend to want to show off their sexual prowess. Another secret that women tend to keep from their husbands is if they have had any children before they met their husbands especially if such children were delivered when they were in Secondary School. Because such children tend to bear their father's names it becomes easier for their true identity to be revealed.

The bottom line is that trust and fidelity should be the building blocks of every strong marriage. One should be able to trust one's spouse to be honest and open to me. It is always painful to discover something about your spouse that you ought to have known from the very beginning later in life. It tends to show that your spouse does not trust you enough to share his secrets with you.

While I concede the fact that sometimes been honest with your spouse can have a negative effect but the beauty is that you cannot be held liable for dishonesty. Your spouse can be angry that you did something you ought not to do but cannot say that you lied or kept you action a secret.

To be honest and straightforward is the best position one should always take no matter what. If you spouse fails to forgive you for been honest just remember that if you confess you misdeeds to God, he will forgive you and then you try to forgive yourself and move on.

God bless you!

Femiimevbore@gmail.com
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www.elshaddaicovenantchurch.org

KEEPING SECRETS

Greetings friends! It is nice to be back on the block after me brief hiatus. It is interesting that during my leave period a couple of issues came to fore that I believe will be worth tackling in this forum.

However, there was a Radio Program I listened to that brought up an interesting topic for discussion and this caught my attention and got my thinking.

The topic was whether it is right for a husband to disclose every thing to his wife. The background to this discussion was that there was a man who had lost his job for sometime but his three friends had been sustaining him. He leaves home every day as if going to work but it had reached the stage where he had to pay his rent and the children's school fees and felt that it was time to let the wife know his predicament.

While this may appear to be an extreme hypothetical case, the fact is that many men do not tell their wives a lot of things about themselves for many reasons. Some wives do not know anything about their husband's businesses or income; some have no idea what investments their husband has or the extent of properties owned. Issues that happen in the office are also kept secrets and so when there is a sudden change in any of these situations the woman is at sea and does not know what to do.

In the western societies it is easy for men to be thoroughly transparent with their wives but in the African societies with all its cultural gamuts it is not so easy for a man to be thoroughly transparent. We have a proverb in Africa that says "it is not all a man sees in the bush while hunting he tells his wife".

The question that come readily to mind is why would men be secretive? Or rather is it right for a man to disclose everything about himself to his wife?

For the non Christian I may not be able to help you much but for the Christian let us explore what the Bible tends to teach us.

Genesis 2:24
For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.(NIV)

Genesis 2:16-17
And the LORD God commanded the man, "You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die."(NIV)

Genesis 3:1-3
Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, "Did God really say, `You must not eat from any tree in the garden'?" The woman said to the serpent, "We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, but God did say, `You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.'"(NIV)

The first thing to see here is that God intends that there be no division between a man and his wife. They are to be one flesh - no secrets, no dark sides, no hidden agenda. This is God's prescription for marriage.

The second thing I want you to observe is that when God gave the first commandment to Adam, there is no record that he communicated the instruction to his wife Eve. It will appear to me that the man, as it is wont with all men, either summarized God instruction or exaggerated what God said. In any case he failed to communicate what God said exactly to her and this caused the downfall of man.

When we hide things from our wives, we invariably create a situation where in our absence, the woman is handicapped and may be not be able to handle issues sufficiently to the benefit of the family. I have come ot realize that there is really nothing hidden under the some. It will only take some time but the truth will come out and what you did not want you wife to know will be there in the open.

Even if it is something you are not entirely proud of, it is wise for you to let your wife in on what is happening. There is the story of a woman who delivered her husband from the firing squad during the coup that attempted to oust the regime of General Babaginda led by Simeon Okar. This soldier had heard about the coup and reported to his immediate boss who he did not know was sympathetic to the plot. As usual he told his wife what was happening and when eventually he was implicated as one of the plotters of the coup, she was able to exonerate her husband.

For whatever disadvantage one may adduce to being open and transparent with our spouses, the advantage clearly outweighs the disadvantage.

To keep secrets from your wife is to say in subtle terms that you do not trust her enough to know everything about yourself. When a man usually is in trouble, it is not only him that bears the brunt, the wife and children though innocent automatically become casualties.

How many woman have been unable to trace their husbands property or investments when they suddenly die?

If you really love your wife as a Christian, there should be no secrets whatsoever between you.

God bless you.

Femiimevbore@gmail.com
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www.lifebuilder.ecwid.com

www.elshaddaicovenantchurch.org

TYPES OF MARRIAGE 5 - BROKEN MARRIAGE

"How can two walk together except they agree" Amos 3:3

There is the story of a couple who live together in the same house but that is just about all the intimacy they have. They sleep in separate rooms, cook separate meals and go their separate ways. In the eyes of the world they are married but in essence their marriage has broken down. The woman confessed that she had not experienced intimacy with her husband for the past 2 years.

Now what led to this situation?

There are several factors that may have contributed to this undesirable situation but one thing is sure the was total breakdown in their communication. They no longer were able to talk about their issues and "disagree to agree".

In many of such instances it starts with a little crack in the wall of their relationship and if the crack is not attended to the crack begins to deepen and finally becomes a chasm that cannot be bridged. Many couple believe that time heals ever wound but that statement does not apply in all instances.

What you sweep under the carpet will grow up to become a hydra headed monster that will threaten your home.

It is God's desire that couples talk about every issue and resolve them amicable. You spouse should be able to know how you feel about each and everything that affect both of you. Honesty and openness should be the watch word for every relationship to thrive.

"And the man and his wife were both naked, and were not ashamed." Genesis 2:25

The word translated naked here connotes the concept of being open, approachable, vulnerable one to another. It suggest that man should not be ashamed to confide his deepest and most secret heart desires to his wife and vice versa.

When this is not in place, you find that they slowly without being conscious of it begin to drift apart. The man begins to find that he confides more in colleagues in the office and friends and the wife begins to confide more in family and neighbours.

The solution is to deal with the barrier to effective communication. You need to realize that unless you can find grounds of mutual agreement with your spouse that marriage may never be what God has ordained it to be.

Let every crack be mended and every broken door be replaced!

Femiimevbore@gmail.com
www.facebook.com/officialecc?ref=hl
www.lifebuilder.ecwid.com

www.elshaddaicovenantchurch.org