SORRY FOR MY BRIEF HIATUS

Dear Friend, if you are reading this I know you have been following my blog and have been looking forward to articles that will help you manage your home and relationships better and I do apologize must profusely for my brief hiatus.

I have been engaged over the past few week on some assignments that demanded my time and full concentration to the detriment of keeping up with my blog. Now that the assignment is over I hope to continue to share with you knowledge that will help you become a better husband, wife, father and mother.

One issue I would like to set in your thinking and one that I hope to explore in the next few write ups is the issue of how to bring up our kids.

This assignment though may look natural imposes great responsibility upon parents. When our kids do well the glory is that of their parents and when they derail, many times it can be traced to the inability of one or the two parents to play their role in the lives of the children.

In the next write up we shall be examining what this entails against the backdrop of a pluralistic society when the hold of parents on their children is been constantly eroded.

God bless you.

Femiimevbore@gmail.com
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FINALLY ON MONEY MANAGEMENT IN THE HOME

It is pertinent to reiterate the fact that money is a key issue in the home and unless couples agree on money matters there is bound to be quarrels and conflicts.

I have tried to set before you the following facts:-

1. Money comes to all of us in varying quantities but what ensures that we become economically free is not so much how much we receive as in how well we manage what we receive. I know someone who earns a lot of money and yet has not been able to build for himself a house while drivers and security guards at the other end of the financial ladder are landlords.

I make bold to say that prosperity is not so much a function of opportunity as it is of mentality. It is having the right mind set to money that enables you to think right and act smart to ensure you break every chain of poverty.

2. Having a financial plan (budget) for your family is another key factor. You must have a monthly and a yearly budget. The yearly budget is the aggregate of your monthly budget and it helps you to see where you are going financially on a yearly basis.

A budget must contain your needs not your want. Your needs are those items which you must have to sustain you and your family. Items that must make the list include such things like food, rent, transportation, school fees, utility bills and savings.  It is also wise to budget for such extra items like holidays or purchasing a car.

3. Save 20% of your income in an interest yielding account. If you can save 20% of the family's monthly income over time it becomes large enough to put into fixed deposit. The purpose of savings is to enable you meet projected capital expenses or to meet unforeseen expenditure which may arise from time to time.

4. One thing I failed to mention previously which I believe will help every family is to have an health insurance policy. The advantages of such a scheme cannot be overemphasized especially for couples living in developing economies where common diseases are prevalent. In Nigeria for example, it is pathetic to see people on Television soliciting for financial assistance from Nigerians to meet their medical treatment for serious health issues like kidney disease or heart related problems. If they had health insurance, then such cap in hand methods will be eliminated or grossly diminished.

5. Agreeing as a couple and jointly taking your financial destiny into your hands is the foundation for a successful and debt free home. While it is important for each of the couple to have their own personal accounts, I strongly advocate that a joint account specifically opened to fund capital projects and major issues like school fees and medical bills when they do occur will help a lot.

Finally, once a couple gets over the financial hurdle everything else will be a piece of cake. The marriage is sweeter and things are better when there are no financial pressures in the home.

Stay blessed.

Femiimevbore@gmail.com
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www.elshaddaicovenantchurch.org 

MONEY MANAGEMENT IN THE HOME 4

Like we said last time the issue is not whether money comes into the home in terms of income or receivables, the issue is how we manage what comes in. The difference between poverty and financial freedom is based primarily on money management.

It has been proven that with diligence and discipline in money matters, one can become a millionaire over time. So when people say, they are poor or in need because of what they earn, it is actually a problem of discipline rather than cash flow.

No matter how small your income is, you can through information and diligence build for yourself surplus that will take you out of poverty.

Having said that, today I will like to set before the concept of savings as the bedrock for financial freedom. It was Dr. James Iruobe who said savings is the cornerstone of financial freedom. If you do not save money, you can never take advantage of the opportunities that will come your way to free yourself from poverty and lack.

Unfortunately, like I said last time we have been brought up to think that spending money is what brings satisfaction. We have a spending mentality that makes many of us live above our means. If you could only take a piece of paper and calculate since the beginning of the year all that you have spent on frivolous items, it will amaze you how much has gone down the drain.

The fist step is to include in your family budget savings. You must agree with your spouse that a particular percentage of your collective income must be saved. I will like to suggest a minimum of 20% following the Pareto principle.

Such savings should be in a joint account with the mandate that two of you will be joint signatories to the account. I do not for one subscribe to a joint account where any of the partners can withdraw without the other for obvious reasons except in some peculiar cases.

Every couple must as a matter of planning for their children's future open savings account for their children where monies are deposited periodically for them until they attain unto the age where they can run the accounts themselves.

Any man or woman who does not save is susceptible to financial shame or disgrace. That will not be your portion in Jesus name.

Stay blessed

Femiimevbore@gmail.com
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MONEY MANAGEMENT IN THE HOME 3

Can two walk together except they agree? Amos 3:3

In looking at money management in the home there is a principle that many know but do not apply and this is the principle of running a family budget.

A budget is simply a financial plan that outlines how monies (receivables) will be spent. Various sums of money are allocated to areas based on priority. It must be emphasized that a budget cannot be governed by what one wants but what is needful.

Every couple that wants to enjoy financial freedom but form the habit of budgeting for their expenses on a monthly basis. From my experience I have discovered that you then to overspend if you spend impulsively without a well thought out and articulate plan.

Lets us look closely as the benefits of a family budget.
1. It helps you to see on a broad basis if your present income is capable of meeting your needs. This is important because you want to avoid the situation where you have to borrow money to meet your needs. Borrowing puts you in bondage and everyone needs to escape the debt trap.

2. Secondly, it helps you to attend to the things that are most important to your life first before other things like luxurious items or pleasure

3. It enables you to avoid impulse spending, a propensity that you and I have. Every time money comes into ones hands there is always that lure to want to begin to buy the things that are attractive to the eyes. I have noticed that it is when I have a lot of money at hand that I want to indulge myself in some pleasure spending.

4. It help you to discipline yourself financially. With a budget you are constrained to cut your cut not according to your size but according to your cloth. You learn to do the things that are most important and leave the rest. Once you are able to discipline yourself in how you spend money then it is easy to discipline yourself in many other areas.

In developing a monthly budget, the couple must seat down together to outline their expenses and draw up a list that will be followed. A typical monthly budget will be something like this:-

1. Feeding  - $300.00
2. Rent (Apartment) - $250.00
3. Utilities - $100.00
4. Soap, detergents etc - $50.00
5. Fuel and lubricants - $100.00
6. School fees /Educational expenses - $200.00
7. Transportation - $120.00
8. Tithe/Offerings - $200.00
9. Pocket money - $300.00
10. Savings - $200.00

Note the figures used here are arbitrary and will depend on what is of priority to the couples concerned. The important thing is that the couple must agree on what they want to do and must have the will to stick to their plan as much as possible.

Initially you may not be able to follow through 100% but with persistence you will master the act and perfect the scheme together. The idea is that you don't spend money on trivialities only to find out later that you need money to do something that is important.

More next time

God bless.

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MONEY MANAGEMENT IN THE HOME 2

Can two walk together, except they be agreed? Amos 3:3

Last time we looked at one principle that helps in the management of money in the home and that is the principle of agreeing the money earned by both partners belong to the family.

Today lets look at the second principle.

Principle 2 - Agreeing that money will never separate you.

This principle if understood in its pristine state is capable of cementing and solidifying the home. Once a couple gets to the point where they can disagree about money but have made a covenant that such a disagreement is to clarify issues rather than to separate them.

I have come to the opinion that though promiscuity is one important reason for many broken homes but the greatest challenge many homes will face are financial issues. The inability of financial plans and programs to be met and the pressure that comes with unrealized dreams and unpaid bills.

I know many couples who have separated because the man lost his job or there was a sudden financial crises. Women are naturally drawn to a life of comfort and deservedly so because the woman was created after the man had been given work to do. The woman was created to help the man manage the proceeds of his labor as it were.

How do you agree that money will not separate you? The first thing to do is to set a conflict resolution strategy for handling financial conflicts. Couples must learn to talk and resolve issues. It is my suggestion that it will be better not to talk about such issues in the heat of the moment but to chose a place where two of you can TALK ALONE. Going out to a place where two of you can relax and talk is a good suggestion in this regard.

The second suggestion which is not my preferred option by the way is to agree that the two of you will consult an independent arbiter such as a financial expert of your Pastor. This option is recommended when consensus cannot be reached by the two of you.

The relevance of agreeing that money will not separate you does not only comply with Jesus' proposition for what can separate two people but it allows the couple to talk about their views and clarify their doubts. This is important because many times we argue about things we imagine rather than what the reality really is.

We must also remember that we each have our own plans and projections and unless we come to the table and agree conflicts will naturally ensue.

More next time

God bless you.

Femiimevbore@gmail.com
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MONEY MANAGEMENT AND THE HOME

It was my father in the Lord, Dr. James Iruobe that said in his book "Four Things Intending Couples Must Agree On Before Marriage" that money is always the first issue that causes quarrels in many homes. After 24 years of marriage I cannot agree less.

While many believe that it is the absence of money that causes trouble in the home, may I suggest to you that the presence of surplus money can also pose a problem if the couples do not have any idea about financial intelligence.

Money comes to everybody but how one manages what comes in is what makes the difference between financial freedom and slavery.

We have for many centuries been influenced by Greek thinking is the idea that we make money primarily for spending. The "Money to Burn" mentality that still drives many a culture even today. The idea is that as long as money keeps flowing, there can be no end as to what pleasures we can pursue.

Every family must form an ideology about money. How do you and your spouse see money? Do you see money as a servant of as a boss? If it happens that you suddenly lose your source of income (though I pray I may never happen to you) will you spouse still be that loving husband or wife?

The principles my mentor has over his 30 something years in ministry taught are very relevant if we are to find financial freedom as a couple. I will like to outline some of them here not necessarily in any particular order of importance.

PRINCIPLE 1 - Whatever is earned belongs to the family:
This is to me the starting point for ensuring that the family becomes financially free. Every couple ought to sit down and agree that whatever comes in either through the man or the woman belongs to the family. I know that in our culture this may be a contentious issue but the idea here is more of openness and transparency rather than outright ownership. Let me clarify what I am trying to pass across.

If a man or woman earns salary, the money should be declared as family income. This enables the couple to pull resources together and plan both for themselves and their children. When there are secrets there is bound to be misconceptions. For example, if a woman does not know how much her husband earns the tendency is that she may make demands beyond the capacity of her husband to provide.

I have always advocated that it is much less "harmful" for your wife to know your level of income as well as its source than to keep her in the dark about your finances. I know many widows who have no idea about their late husband's estate and all that the man labored for has passed on to third parties.

Telling your wife what you earn also help the family to budget appropriately and avoid living above your means.

More next time

God bless

Femiimevbore@gmail.com
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WILL YOU ALLOW YOUR WIFE TO WORK IF YOU ARE A VERY WEALTHY MAN?

Last time I posed the question whether if you had about $100 million in your account, you will allow your wife to work and the few responses I got tells me that this is an issue no many give a thought to but I can assure you it is an issue that has lead to many a divorce cases.

In Africa and Asia, the man is viewed and still viewed as the bread winner and in many cases marriage to a wealthy man is something many young ladies desire in order to pull their family out of poverty. A young lady will rather choose an already made man than to start life with a man who has nothing.

I am not for one moment advocating that to marry an already made man is the guarantee to a happy life because I have seen young men who started as nobodies become highly successful, while the so called already made men became poor over time.

Having said that, the crux of the matter stems from statistics that show that many Nigerians married to nurses who they helped to travel from Nigeria to the US ended up killing a good number of the ladies. There was the homicide case of a Nigerian who in cold blood murdered his wife in the bath tub because she had become so successful and independent in the US that she no longer respected her husband or his views.

I do not know the details of what transpired between the couple except that which was published nor am I endorsing the savagery of the man but I am only trying to put things in perspective and that is to say many men prefer their wives to be totally dependent on them for several reasons.

The first reason I see is that it is an ego thing – male chauvinism it is called. The average man sees himself as a conqueror and his wife as his conquest. He therefore tried to do mall within his powers to keep his treasure or price and anything that tends to distort this image is resisted. One such contentious issue is the quest for female equality and liberty. 

When a woman and a wife for that matter begins to pursue things like career or business with the sole aim of becoming independent from her husband, then trouble is sure knocking at the door. However if the wife’s quest for financial emancipation is to augment the family income, even if she becomes more successful than the man, the man does not feel threatened  and his ego is intact.

There are families where the woman tried to outdo the man by operating outside the vision of her husband and once that is in place then such a woman is working against God’s original purpose for the wife which is to be a help mate to her husband.

More next time!

Be blessed.

Femiimevbore@gmail.com
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www.lifebuilder.ecwid.com

www.elshaddaicovenantchurch.org