UNDERSTANDING THE MARRIAGE COVENANT – COMPATIBILITY IN MARRIAGE

I  have my father in the Lord Dr. James Iruobe,  to thank for granting me an understanding of what it means to be compatible with someone. I attended a Marriage Seminar where he had been invited to speak to Ministers and their spouses and in the course of his speech he illustrated how he and his wife overcame the issues of their different backgrounds.

It may be expedient to let you into the different backgrounds from where my father in the Lord and his spouse came from. Dr. James Iruobe came from a very humble background and was raised in a village setting. Conversely, our Mummy (his wife) came from a very urban background and was raised in the high brow city of Lagos, Nigeria. 

So when they got married they experienced a clash of many habits, cultures and tastes. My father in the Lord was brought up to eat very fast (a skill required for survival in the village) while his wife was brought up to eat at the dinner table with cutleries. From a purely human point of view such a marriage would have been earmarked for disaster but over 35 years on, their marriage is a model to emulate. How did they achieve “compatibility”?

Dr James explains as follows. “I like my morning pap very thick but my wife likes hers watery. So my wife makes very thick pap, serves me my own first and thereof adds water to make her own watery and everyone is happy.”

In life many people are looking for compatible partners, people with the same taste, likes, hobbies and backgrounds but these parameters have not been able to stem the high divorce rates. The fact that your partner likes what you like; the kind of music, sports and other forms of entertainment, does not guarantee that your love for that person will grow.

Compatibility is the ability of two different people to accommodate each others likes and dislikes. The ability to make room for the others background and blend to complement each other. It is the ability to enjoy your peculiarities without denying your partner the liberty of enjoying theirs.

It is wishful thinking to expect that two different human beings can be totally compatible in the face of the fact that even identical twins are two different entities. This is how God has made us so that the world is enriched because of our diversity. You can imagine if this world was made up of only Sanguine or Choleric people or any of the popular personality traits.

What every one of us should strive for is the ability to accommodate each other. Remember what makes two objects glue to each other is that they have different surfaces. 

That's compatibility.

Femi Imevbore
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