COMPLIMENTS OF THE SEASON

As the year 2015 winds down, I write to appreciate all my readers and those who casually visit my blog and to thank you immensely for your comments, criticisms and support. The year 2015 has indeed been a challenging and eventful year especially for those of us in Sub-Saharan Africa with the political and economic changes that have swept the continent this past year.

Be that as it may, I believe that we all have cause to be grateful to God for sustaining us throughout the year. If you are still in your marriage or you have a home, you should be specially grateful to God because yours is not among the statistics of broken homes and marriages.

As many homes are constantly under the attack of the wicked one, my prayer for you is that God Almighty will keep your marriage and your home now and in the coming year.

I also pray that your home will become a model of God's infinite mercy and grace and that you will live to reflect God's glory.

As the year 2015 expires, may trouble and sickness expire from your life; may the struggles and challenges of life expire with the year 2015; may you arise form every backwater to shine in the coming year.

Once again, I extend on behalf of my wife and children our hearty compliments of the season and to wish you a prosperous 2016.

God bless you.

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SEX AND MARRIAGE

This is one topic that I have been running away from addressing because it is something that is very private and sometimes embarrassing to discuss publicly.

Unfortunately, this is one subject that is very important to having a healthy marriage and one that cannot be taken for granted.

Concerning the issue of sex generally, there is so much misinformation and because these issues are not dealt with on the family table as it were, every child growing up ultimately finds out about sex from friends and peers. In the end many people come away with a wrong view of sex and its purpose.

I will like to remind you of the saying by Mills Munroe that if the purpose of a thing is not known, abuse becomes inevitable.

So what is the purpose of sex? Why did God put this desire in us? Why are we not hermaphrodites?

A good place to begin finding answers will be in the word of God itself.

"Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and they were not ashamed. Genesis 2: 24-25.

"And Adam knew Eve his wife; and she conceived, and bare Cain, and said, I have gotten a man from the Lord." Genesis 4:1

The first thing to say about sex, is that it was created by God. It was God who created the man and the woman and brought them together. So sex in its pristine form is God's idea.

The second thing to say is that it is God's intention that sex should be between a man (husband) and a woman (his wife).

The third thing I will like to state is that sex is supposed to be between two intimate people (male and female) in a marital set up. The idea that Adam KNEW his wife presupposes that there was intimacy as a prerequisite for sex. Therefore this clearly precludes casual sex or sex without any form of commitment.

More next time.

God bless you.

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FAMILY FINANCES 2

Last time I tired to look at the reason why many women view monies collected from them by their husbands to solve family issues as loans rather than their own contributions to the upkeep of the home.

In some cases such issue have led to serious quarrels and you hear men complaining that when the woman asks for money, the man does not see it as a loan but an obligation being fulfilled. I am yet to know any man (except he is a Gigolo) who does not fell proud to e able to meet the needs of his wife.

In other to solve this problem, I will strongly recommend that couples run a joint account where both of them will be signatories to the account to handle such emergencies. The man may decide to set aside say 10% of his monthly income which will be paid into the joint account. The woman on her own may decide to contribute say 5% of her own income.

Whatever monies is deposited in the joint account will be controlled by both of them as no one can withdraw from the account without the consent of the other.

Another suggestion is that families should try as much as possible to operate a monthly budget. Sit down with your spouse and outline how much the family will be spending on a monthly basis. This is especially important in a month like December when the family expenses is likely to rise without any corresponding rise in income.

Budgeting has many advantages including helping to curb impulse buying and keeping your spending on essentials only.

The Lord bless and keep your home.

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FAMILY FINANCES - WHO OWNS WHAT 1

I have heard many women complain that whenever their husbands borrow money from them the husbands never pay back and this has gotten me thinking recently about the dynamics of family finances.

Family finances is an important aspect of the home and if not properly handled can lead to very unpleasant consequences.

Now let me say categorically that I believe strongly that it is the man’s responsibility to cater for his family. By catering it must be understood to mean providing food, shelter, education and security for his family. Everyman worth his salt should pray to be able always to fulfill this obligation without sweat.

Unfortunately, the reality shows that not many men are able for varied reasons to always fulfill this obligation; sometimes because they are temporary out of job or their payments are delayed and at such times have to depend on their wives to augment whatever they can provide.

Now the issue at stake is that many women see such “help” as a loan to the man. Whatever comes from the woman is visualized as being borrowed by the man to solve a problem. There is the case of a man who asked his wife for some money for petrol (gasoline) and she recorded it as a loan to the man.

On the other hand from my experience when a wife asks the husband for money outside the regular upkeep, many men do not consider such monies as loans, so why do women see their assistance in terms of helping the family to stay afloat as a commercial venture?

I have come to understand that the problem is in our culture and the woman’s psyche! Women are brought up to believe that it is the sole responsibility of the man to cater for the welfare of the home. In other words the man’s money is our money (family money) while the woman’s money is hers.

It will do the family a whole lot of good is this perception is changed. Whatever income comes to the family, either from the woman or the man, ought to be treated as family income.

I am not for one moment suggesting that the man should shirk his responsibility but what I am advocating is that the woman must see herself as a partner with the man in catering for the needs of the home. It is a partnership that floats or sinks together according to God’s plan and purpose.

Whatever monies I have “borrowed’ from my wife, in solving family and not personal issues, ought to be written off as “bad debt”.

I rest my case.

God bless you.

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WILL YOUR SPOUSE CHANGE 2?

Last time I highlighted the fact that many me over time change their habits, tastes and like and tried to explain that this kind of change is a natural consequence of maturity as least from the male point of view.

Having said that let us now examine whether woman change over time. As a man I am sure that obvious answer is a resounding YES. All you need to do is look at your wedding picture again and you will notice the obvious change. I am sure sure your wife is at least twice the size she was when you married her?

But it is not really from the point of view of physical change one is approaching this issue. What is of paramount interest to me in addressing a topic such as this is whether the woman's habits change over time.

I am wont to say that irrespective of what physical changes women pass through unlike the men their habits tend to remain fixated over time. Women have a propensity to be more predictable and stable over the years. I have discovered that my wife's taste and likes are very much the same after more than 25 years of marriage.

The crux of the matter is that while the man tend to alter much of his taste, the woman tends to remain fixed in hers and unless there is understanding between them this kind of inadvertent experience can pose a problem if not handled with maturity.

Many couples start their relationships having very many things in common but over time if you agree with my postulation, you discover that they tend to drift apart in their preferences and then tension sets in and before you know it there can be conflicts.

What I always advocate is dialogue. Couples must agree to always discuss their fears and anxieties with each other and bring to the front burner anything that is capable of fueling conflict in the home.

Dialogue is the key to successful conflict resolution. Anything that is swept under the carpet will turn around to haunt the marriage in future.

God bless you.

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WILL YOUR SPOUSE CHANGE?

A woman was complaining to her friend one day saying " I no longer understand my husband, he has changed. In fact this is not the same man that I married".

This is one of the problems that many homes go through where the expectations are unrealistic and unreasonable. To expect that your spouse will not change is to be naive. Change in life is a constant and a good look in the mirror will confirm that whether you like it or not change is inevitable.

Let me speak first of all from the man's point of view. I have observed over the years that there are certain areas in a man's life where changes may occur. Sometime such changes are so drastic that it begins to look like a metamorphosis. Here are some typical examples.

1. Change in Life style:
When men are younger, they tend to be more conscious of their looks and dressing  but this tendency seems to wane as they mature. As men grow older they tend to care less about their looks.

2. Change in taste:
Most men tend to change their taste over time and what was once very attractive to them may no longer appeal to them over time.

3. Change in temperament:
Moods and temperaments tend to change with age. Usually the older the man, the more patient he is likely to become. I have seem cases of men who were once very volatile in their youth becoming almost docile in their matured years. Having said this the reverse may be the case where someone was once quiet and docile becoming aggressive and hostile in later years.

The import of this discuss is that as a woman do not assume that your husband will remain the same man you married over the years. He will definitely change in more than one ways and you should be prepared to accommodate these changes  or else you will become frustrated.

The reason why men change over the years is something for another day but suffice it to say that there are bound to be changes.

So what do you do to cope with this inevitable reality?
1. Do not think you spouse is incapable of changing - he will over time
2. When you begin to notice changes in his behavior or taste,  take time to find out why? It may just be a reaction to something you are doing or fail to do!
3. You must also be willing to accommodate (ignore) any change that will not drastically affect your relationship.
4. Be ready to change to align with whatever direction your spouse is changing towards. Your spouse may suddenly begin to develop a likeness for say football; do not be a clog in the realization of his new fancy, you too can adjust to accommodate this new trend.

I have also discovered that as men grow older their taste in women changes. While at one time they were attracted to the opposite sex by a particular feature, over time because of a number of factors too numerous to discuss here, such taste may change sometimes very drastically.

That is why as a woman you must be on top of what your husband like per time. Do not assume that the man you married 10, 20, 30 years ago is still the same.

He is not the same! At least I can speak for myself and a few men I know.

God bless you.

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PLANNING FOR YOUR KIDS 7 – DISCIPLINING CHILDREN

“He that spareth his rod hateth his son; but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes” Proverbs 13:24 Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.” Proverbs 22:15

When growing up in the 60s and 70s, discipline was at its optimum; in fact if you were disciplined in school and your parents got to know, you will be punished at home for bringing shame to the family. Unfortunately, starting from the 80 and 90 occasioned by watering down of societal values, the issue of discipline of children has taken the back stage.

There was the classic example of my personal experience as a teacher in Benin. In 1988, I was teaching Integrated Science in Adolo College, Benin City, Nigeria and was the class teacher of one of the JSS 2 classes. There was this particular boy who was disciplined in school for a particular offense and the boy went home and lied to his mother. The woman without asking questions came to the school threatening brimstone and fire and created such an embarrassing scene that when she later discovered that the son had lied to her, she left the school in shame. She was annoyed that a teacher had the audacity to cane her son in school only to discover that the boy deserved to have been punished for what he did. 

Growing up our parents never spared the rod and it baffles me that our generation has resulted to pampering our own children. The issue of corporal punishment though contentious must be understood in context of the fact that a child who is never punished for an offense ends up becoming uncontrollable and decadent.

As a Christian father and teacher, I advocate that the rod must be present in every home as a symbol of discipline. The frequency of use of the rod however is another matter entirely but its absence is what I completely kick against. Every home must have a cane (rod) of correction.

Another anomaly I see is that discipline is left in the hands of one of the parents. I have heard some mothers tell their husbands not to beat their children creating the impression in the minds of the children that the man is a monster who is only being wicked in the exercise of his duty as the father of the home.

For every home that will bring up children that will not end up bringing disgrace to the family, discipline must be a joint responsible. Even if you do not agree with the method being employed by your spouse never oppose him or her in the presence of the children or else you will end up causing division in the home. The best thing to do is to look away at that moment and then privately rebuke or correct your spouse. The children must see the two of you in agreement over everything including their discipline.

The man has the primary responsibility to discipline his children and I advise mother to always allow the man play that role. If your children misbehave in the absence of their father, it is good advice to say to them things like “When your father comes, he will discipline you” and the man must live up to this responsibility when he comes.

Remember you are responsible for how your children will turn out whether for good or bad!

God bless you

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PLANNING FOR YOUR KIDS 6

When we were growing up our parents literally decided what we should read in school. You were either to be a Doctor, Engineer or a Lawyer. Anything short of that was considered a mistake or an inferior career. In India I am told that when children are born they are identified from birth by what they will become usually either an Engineer or a Doctor.

The issue before us today is whether in planning for your children it is expedient to determine before hand what you want them to become? While I will not go the route of saying either yes or now, I want to tow certain examples from the Bible.

" And there was a certain man of Zorah, of the family of the Danites, whose name [was] Manoah; and his wife [was] barren, and bare not. And the angel of the LORD appeared unto the woman, and said unto her, Behold now, thou [art] barren, and bearest not: but thou shalt conceive, and bear a son. Now therefore beware, I pray thee, and drink not wine nor strong drink, and eat not any unclean [thing]: For, lo, thou shalt conceive, and bear a son; and no razor shall come on his head: for the child shall be a Nazarite unto God from the womb: and he shall begin to deliver Israel out of the hand of the Philistines." Judges 13:2-5 (KJV)

This was the encounter between the mother of Samson and the angel before he was born. God had decided even before Samson came into the world what his assignment would be. Therefore, his mother was given specific directives concerning his life.

How much less stress will parents encounter if only they know the specific assignment of their children on earth. What I am canvassing is that it is possible to decide before hand what your child will become by asking God to reveal the destiny of your children to you.

"The secret [things belong] unto the LORD our God: but those [things which are] revealed [belong] unto us and to our children for ever, that [we] may do all the words of this law." Deuteronomy 29:29 (KJV)

You will do yourself a world of good if you start asking God even before your kids are born what their assignment will be here on earth. When God reveals his intentions for them to you it makes it a lot easier to guide them with confidence that they will fulfill God's madate on earth.

Remember that children are a gift from the Lord, He has a supreme claim on them and we as parents are just custodians, therefore it is God's will that should be uppermost when considering the future of our kids.

Take time to pray about the future of your children for the next two weeks and let God speak to you. He surely will if you only ask him.

Be blessed.

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PLANNING FOR KIDS 5

"But don't begin until you count the cost. For who will begin construction of a building without first calculating the cost to see if there is enough money to finish it? Otherwise, you might complete only the foundation before running out of money, and then everyone would laugh at you. They would say, "There's the person who started that building and couldn't finish it." Luke 14: 28-30

In our discussions on this very important issue I have tried to advocate that laying a solid, workable plan for your kids BEFORE they are born is of prime importance and a strategic move. However I will like to address those of us who did not have the privilege of this kind of information and we have kids we did not strategically plan for. Notice I used the word strategically deliberately because many of us planned the number of kids to have and that was just it. No financial projections whatsoever.

So if you are like me who has 5 kids what do you do?

The first thing is to seat down and take stocks. You need to determine with your spouse you total family income from all sources including expected receivables. Once that is done you want to look at what your anticipated expenditure will be say if you were to put your kids in private schools as against public schools.

May I say this, much as one will desire to send his kids to private schools, unless your income is such that will be able to meet this responsibility it will be a better option to send them to good public institutions. There a few good public institutions and if you ask the right people you will find one that will not break your bank account.

Know that it is not only sending them to school that is prime importance, feeding and clothing them as well as giving them a roof over their heads is also crucial to their well being and optimal growth and devlopment.

Another thing you may need to seriously consider are alternatives! What do I mean? You do not need to always buy the very best or the most expensive things for your kids. there are always less expensive alternatives that you can afford. It does not make sense to try to be like the "Joneses" and ending up in debt.

I have heard parents say that they do not want their children to feel inferior to their mates and so they go over themselves to give them things they can ill afford. This attitude is counterproductive because whether you believe or not your children know what you can afford and what you cannot afford. Have they not heard you and your spouse quarrel over money in the past?

Another drawback to this attitude is that you are teaching your children to live beyond their means and this is the greatest challenge of the Nigerian middle class. The Middle class is not very poor but not so rich either. The dilemma of this class of people is that they want their children to compete children of the rich and they constantly stretch themselves to meet up with this demand.

This leads to many problems including a rising debt profile and high blood pressure.

It really does not matter if your kids go to a public school; what matter is for you to inculcate the attitude of hard work and scholarship in them. You may want to provide them with extra tutorials (lessons) to augment what they are taught in school.

Believe it or not the public schools still have the best teachers.

God bless you

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PLANNING FOR YOUR KIDS 4

“A good man leaves an inheritance for his children’s children…” Proverbs 13:22a

Folks last time I advocated saving up for your children before they are born as an important strategy for planning for them and today I will like take this discussion a notch further by advocating that savings should not be an end in itself but a means to an end.

What do I mean by this statement? I mean that savings alone may not give your children the required leverage they need to get ahead of their peers and fulfill their full potentials.

What will give them that edge is INVESTMENT.

There a couple of ways this can be done but the simplest and perhaps the most reliable way is to invest in stocks for your children. 

I remember in my post graduate program in 1988 (27 years ago), I was privileged to analyze Okomu Oil Stock in none of our term papers. At that time the stock price for Okomu Oil was 38K per share. Today the same stock sells for an average of N39.00 per share a capital gain of over 10,000%. 

Let’s do a bit of arithmetic here! Consider that at that time I bought 10,000 shares of Okomu Oil at 38k per share, I would have paid N3,800.00 for the shares. Let us assume that there were no bonus shares (which is unlikely) b y today the 10,000 shares will be worth N390,000.00.

Therefore in planning for your kids’ future, investment is a key factor to consider. You may wish to buy shares for each of them and hold them not necessary for capital gains but as a security or if you like a collateral for their future.

I will like to recommend that you seek professional advice in this regard or find books that will explain how this can be done. I can recommend a book written by my mentor and spiritual father, Dr. James Iruobe titled the way of the Rich as a good way to get started. For a copy of this book, please send a mail to femoreza@yahoo.co.uk to book your copy.

God bless you.

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PLANNING FOR KIDS 3

"And the Lord said to her: Two nations are in your womb, Two peoples shall be separated from your body; One people shall be stronger than the other and the older shall serve the younger" Genesis 25:23

"But did he not make them one, having a remnant of the spirit? And why one? he seeks godly offspring. Therefore take heed to your spirit and let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth" Malachi 2:15
 
I want to assume that if you are reading this piece, you must have read the previous two articles preceding this to enable you flow with what we have been considering. I can also assume that you are taking this matter seriously enough to want to do something about it.

If you are with me on this journey then we have reached the stage of putting our thoughts into concrete action.
What then should be the first step to take if you have agreed with your spouse all things considered to have 3 kids? My answer to this is as follows:-

Open a saving account for each of them - This may sound funny because the children have not arrived and we may not even have a name for them yet. Well it does not matter whether they have a name or not, you can open 3 accounts in proxy for them. Just make sure you save a percentage of your monthly income for them.

Lets do a simple arithmetic. Let us say you live in Lagos Nigeria and earn N100,000 per month and say you have agreed with your spouse to have three children. If you are willing to space them out at the rate of 1 child every three years; that is to say the space between their births will be minimum of 3 years, then I will like to propose a plan like this:-


1. Devote 20% of your monthly income as savings in their account. This will amount to N20,000 per month.
2. Distribute the N20,000 as follows:
   (a) Senior child - N10,000.00 per month
  (b) Next child - N6,000.00 per month
   (c) Last child _ N4,000.00 per month
3. Now if you follow my logic of waiting at least  years after marriage before having kids, then you would have saved at least for 24 months before the first child is born.
4. Therefore at the end of 4 months what will be available in the three accounts will be
   (Senior child) N240,000.00
   (Next Child) N144,000.00
   (Last Child) N96,000.00
5. To be more precise what will be available to you when they are born will be
   (Senior child) N240,000
   (Next Child)N360,000
   (Last child) N384,000

 These estimates are based on the assumption that you need to start spending money on them as soon as they are born, but if you want to save money purely for their education and considering the fact that the average child today starts school at 3 years then our calculation should be
  (Senior Child) N600,000
  (Next Child) N576,000
  (Last child) N528,000

More next time

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PLANNING FOR YOUR CHILDREN 2

"And the Lord said to her: Two nations are in your womb, Two peoples shall be separated from your body; One people shall be stronger than the other and the older shall serve the younger" Genesis 25:23

"But did he not make them one, having a remnant of the spirit? And why one? he seeks godly offspring. Therefore take heed to your spirit and let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth" Malachi 2:15

The most important decision a couple will make concerning their children is to decide how many kids you want to raise. This decision is crucial because upon this decision is hinged all other decisions that concern them.

There are certain things that will help the couple make an informed decision in this regard and I will attempt to highlights what I consider the very basic ones. However, I must say these factors work together, because only one factor may not help you reach the best decision.

Before I state some of these factors it is pertinent to reiterate the fact that bringing up children involves a lot of financial and emotional resources. it is not easy to provide adequately for children especially if you have a large family.

1. Your financial background! The amount of resources, actual and envisaged" should be a factor in determining how many children to have. Although you may be very rich today, there is no guarantee that your financial status will remain the same over time. Imagine for a moment what Job went through and what would have happened had his 10 children not died? Granted that the loss of his children was catastrophic but his case would have been made worse had he 10 extra children to cater for. I can imagine Job having 10 kids like my own sons who can eat an elephant in one meal then there would have been a greater problem for him to cope with.

It is not a thing of faith to be a worker earning say $100.00 per month and expect to be able to cater for more than one kid. In fact wisdom expects you to delay having kids for some time in other to build your financial base.

My advice to young couples is to wait at least 2 years after marriage to start having kids. Do not be pressured by family and societal expectation to rush unprepared into this very enormous responsibility. When the chips are down those who pressure you into making such a decision may not be there to help you carry the burden.

2. Your educational background! This may seem unnecessary but I strongly believe that children should be greater than their parents in every sphere of life including educationally. I personally have a Master's degree and my wife is a graduate herself so, I expect that my children will expand the frontiers of education in the family. I have always told my first son that I expect him to have a Doctorate Degree at the least.

Now if a couple are both graduates from Universities, then it will be expected that their children should aspire to be graduates themselves. To train a child to the University level is expensive and takes time. Gone are the days when parents train their children to a level and the children in turn train their siblings. With the rate of employment astronomically high such an expectation will be misplaced.

3. Family Commitments! Yes I say family commitment addressing those of us in Africa and Asia primarily. There are many families that train their first son and depend on him to train the rest of them. If you happen to be such a person then it will be unfair to jettison such an arrangement now you are married. The wise thing to do is to fulfill that obligation at least to one other member of the family before facing your own children. However, if you can cope with doing that as well as handling your own children then fine.

I strongly appeal to wives to understand with their husbands in this regard and to plan to delay having children as suggested above.

More next time!

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PLANNING FOR YOUR CHILDREN 1

"And the Lord said to her: Two nations are in your womb, Two peoples shall be separated from your body; One people shall be stronger than the other and the older shall serve the younger" Genesis 25:23

"But did he not make them one, having a remnant of the spirit? And why one? he seeks godly offspring. Therefore take heed to your spirit and let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth" Malachi 2:15

One of the greatest rewards for marrying is to bear kids. It is not the primary reason but when children come there are supposed to be a blessing. I have deliberately used the words supposed because at the end of the day not all children turn out right.

It is clear to me from the Bible that the mind of God is that we are to raise godly children. It is also clear to me that while we see children as blessings from God, God sees them as nations. This has profound meaning and it imposes a great responsibility of the parents.

Children are not just the product of our intimacy with our spouses, they like the Psalmist says arrows in the hand of God. They have a mandate to fulfill here on earth and we as parents as the agents or if you like the catalysts that will help them fulfill God's mandate for their lives.

The first responsibility that I see in bringing up children is the responsibility of planning. You cannot take on an enormous project without careful planning or else the chances of failure will be enhanced. So it is with the rearing of children. It ought to involve careful and serious reflections and planning on our part as parents if we are to do the right job and to do it right.

If you are just starting out, then you can start right be agreeing prayerfully with your spouse how many children you should have. This may involve you seeing an expert in family planning to help you space your kids.

If kids are very important in God's scheme of things then you cannot afford to let them come by chance. Planning is key.

More next time.

God bless you.

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SORRY FOR MY BRIEF HIATUS

Dear Friend, if you are reading this I know you have been following my blog and have been looking forward to articles that will help you manage your home and relationships better and I do apologize must profusely for my brief hiatus.

I have been engaged over the past few week on some assignments that demanded my time and full concentration to the detriment of keeping up with my blog. Now that the assignment is over I hope to continue to share with you knowledge that will help you become a better husband, wife, father and mother.

One issue I would like to set in your thinking and one that I hope to explore in the next few write ups is the issue of how to bring up our kids.

This assignment though may look natural imposes great responsibility upon parents. When our kids do well the glory is that of their parents and when they derail, many times it can be traced to the inability of one or the two parents to play their role in the lives of the children.

In the next write up we shall be examining what this entails against the backdrop of a pluralistic society when the hold of parents on their children is been constantly eroded.

God bless you.

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FINALLY ON MONEY MANAGEMENT IN THE HOME

It is pertinent to reiterate the fact that money is a key issue in the home and unless couples agree on money matters there is bound to be quarrels and conflicts.

I have tried to set before you the following facts:-

1. Money comes to all of us in varying quantities but what ensures that we become economically free is not so much how much we receive as in how well we manage what we receive. I know someone who earns a lot of money and yet has not been able to build for himself a house while drivers and security guards at the other end of the financial ladder are landlords.

I make bold to say that prosperity is not so much a function of opportunity as it is of mentality. It is having the right mind set to money that enables you to think right and act smart to ensure you break every chain of poverty.

2. Having a financial plan (budget) for your family is another key factor. You must have a monthly and a yearly budget. The yearly budget is the aggregate of your monthly budget and it helps you to see where you are going financially on a yearly basis.

A budget must contain your needs not your want. Your needs are those items which you must have to sustain you and your family. Items that must make the list include such things like food, rent, transportation, school fees, utility bills and savings.  It is also wise to budget for such extra items like holidays or purchasing a car.

3. Save 20% of your income in an interest yielding account. If you can save 20% of the family's monthly income over time it becomes large enough to put into fixed deposit. The purpose of savings is to enable you meet projected capital expenses or to meet unforeseen expenditure which may arise from time to time.

4. One thing I failed to mention previously which I believe will help every family is to have an health insurance policy. The advantages of such a scheme cannot be overemphasized especially for couples living in developing economies where common diseases are prevalent. In Nigeria for example, it is pathetic to see people on Television soliciting for financial assistance from Nigerians to meet their medical treatment for serious health issues like kidney disease or heart related problems. If they had health insurance, then such cap in hand methods will be eliminated or grossly diminished.

5. Agreeing as a couple and jointly taking your financial destiny into your hands is the foundation for a successful and debt free home. While it is important for each of the couple to have their own personal accounts, I strongly advocate that a joint account specifically opened to fund capital projects and major issues like school fees and medical bills when they do occur will help a lot.

Finally, once a couple gets over the financial hurdle everything else will be a piece of cake. The marriage is sweeter and things are better when there are no financial pressures in the home.

Stay blessed.

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MONEY MANAGEMENT IN THE HOME 4

Like we said last time the issue is not whether money comes into the home in terms of income or receivables, the issue is how we manage what comes in. The difference between poverty and financial freedom is based primarily on money management.

It has been proven that with diligence and discipline in money matters, one can become a millionaire over time. So when people say, they are poor or in need because of what they earn, it is actually a problem of discipline rather than cash flow.

No matter how small your income is, you can through information and diligence build for yourself surplus that will take you out of poverty.

Having said that, today I will like to set before the concept of savings as the bedrock for financial freedom. It was Dr. James Iruobe who said savings is the cornerstone of financial freedom. If you do not save money, you can never take advantage of the opportunities that will come your way to free yourself from poverty and lack.

Unfortunately, like I said last time we have been brought up to think that spending money is what brings satisfaction. We have a spending mentality that makes many of us live above our means. If you could only take a piece of paper and calculate since the beginning of the year all that you have spent on frivolous items, it will amaze you how much has gone down the drain.

The fist step is to include in your family budget savings. You must agree with your spouse that a particular percentage of your collective income must be saved. I will like to suggest a minimum of 20% following the Pareto principle.

Such savings should be in a joint account with the mandate that two of you will be joint signatories to the account. I do not for one subscribe to a joint account where any of the partners can withdraw without the other for obvious reasons except in some peculiar cases.

Every couple must as a matter of planning for their children's future open savings account for their children where monies are deposited periodically for them until they attain unto the age where they can run the accounts themselves.

Any man or woman who does not save is susceptible to financial shame or disgrace. That will not be your portion in Jesus name.

Stay blessed

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MONEY MANAGEMENT IN THE HOME 3

Can two walk together except they agree? Amos 3:3

In looking at money management in the home there is a principle that many know but do not apply and this is the principle of running a family budget.

A budget is simply a financial plan that outlines how monies (receivables) will be spent. Various sums of money are allocated to areas based on priority. It must be emphasized that a budget cannot be governed by what one wants but what is needful.

Every couple that wants to enjoy financial freedom but form the habit of budgeting for their expenses on a monthly basis. From my experience I have discovered that you then to overspend if you spend impulsively without a well thought out and articulate plan.

Lets us look closely as the benefits of a family budget.
1. It helps you to see on a broad basis if your present income is capable of meeting your needs. This is important because you want to avoid the situation where you have to borrow money to meet your needs. Borrowing puts you in bondage and everyone needs to escape the debt trap.

2. Secondly, it helps you to attend to the things that are most important to your life first before other things like luxurious items or pleasure

3. It enables you to avoid impulse spending, a propensity that you and I have. Every time money comes into ones hands there is always that lure to want to begin to buy the things that are attractive to the eyes. I have noticed that it is when I have a lot of money at hand that I want to indulge myself in some pleasure spending.

4. It help you to discipline yourself financially. With a budget you are constrained to cut your cut not according to your size but according to your cloth. You learn to do the things that are most important and leave the rest. Once you are able to discipline yourself in how you spend money then it is easy to discipline yourself in many other areas.

In developing a monthly budget, the couple must seat down together to outline their expenses and draw up a list that will be followed. A typical monthly budget will be something like this:-

1. Feeding  - $300.00
2. Rent (Apartment) - $250.00
3. Utilities - $100.00
4. Soap, detergents etc - $50.00
5. Fuel and lubricants - $100.00
6. School fees /Educational expenses - $200.00
7. Transportation - $120.00
8. Tithe/Offerings - $200.00
9. Pocket money - $300.00
10. Savings - $200.00

Note the figures used here are arbitrary and will depend on what is of priority to the couples concerned. The important thing is that the couple must agree on what they want to do and must have the will to stick to their plan as much as possible.

Initially you may not be able to follow through 100% but with persistence you will master the act and perfect the scheme together. The idea is that you don't spend money on trivialities only to find out later that you need money to do something that is important.

More next time

God bless.

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MONEY MANAGEMENT IN THE HOME 2

Can two walk together, except they be agreed? Amos 3:3

Last time we looked at one principle that helps in the management of money in the home and that is the principle of agreeing the money earned by both partners belong to the family.

Today lets look at the second principle.

Principle 2 - Agreeing that money will never separate you.

This principle if understood in its pristine state is capable of cementing and solidifying the home. Once a couple gets to the point where they can disagree about money but have made a covenant that such a disagreement is to clarify issues rather than to separate them.

I have come to the opinion that though promiscuity is one important reason for many broken homes but the greatest challenge many homes will face are financial issues. The inability of financial plans and programs to be met and the pressure that comes with unrealized dreams and unpaid bills.

I know many couples who have separated because the man lost his job or there was a sudden financial crises. Women are naturally drawn to a life of comfort and deservedly so because the woman was created after the man had been given work to do. The woman was created to help the man manage the proceeds of his labor as it were.

How do you agree that money will not separate you? The first thing to do is to set a conflict resolution strategy for handling financial conflicts. Couples must learn to talk and resolve issues. It is my suggestion that it will be better not to talk about such issues in the heat of the moment but to chose a place where two of you can TALK ALONE. Going out to a place where two of you can relax and talk is a good suggestion in this regard.

The second suggestion which is not my preferred option by the way is to agree that the two of you will consult an independent arbiter such as a financial expert of your Pastor. This option is recommended when consensus cannot be reached by the two of you.

The relevance of agreeing that money will not separate you does not only comply with Jesus' proposition for what can separate two people but it allows the couple to talk about their views and clarify their doubts. This is important because many times we argue about things we imagine rather than what the reality really is.

We must also remember that we each have our own plans and projections and unless we come to the table and agree conflicts will naturally ensue.

More next time

God bless you.

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