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Thursday 28 April 2016

HANDLING DIFFICULT PEOPLE

Last time we outlined some things to consider when dealing with difficult people and one of the things that I am sure stands out is the fact that we need to empathize with them.

Difficult people are difficult mostly because they have had to deal with difficult situations in their past. A girl who has suffered rape or sexual abuse as a young girl is likely going to have difficulties trusting any man in life. A boy who has suffered verbal and physical abuse in the early stages of his growing up is likely going to turn out an aggressive person because of the need for self preservation.

Person who are froward (the typical I know it all kind of person) may just be concealing a huge dose of inferiority complex. In fact I remember a Pastor friend who "knows" everyone that is important! Before you mention someone's name he will tell you the person's history and how he came to meet that person. However, it became clear that he was just trying to hide his ignorance and fears by trying to be seen as someone important.

The person who displays a negative attitude towards everything (the pessimist) may just be hiding behind a mask of fear. The fear of failure makes many people dread to try and so they look for impossibilities to justify their actions (or is it inaction). They are the ones who will always tell you how it cannot be done. I have a friend of mine who used to be a confidant but I have since stopped asking for his advice because he will always tell me how my plans may never work. 

The domineering person may just be someone who is trying to live out his or her frustration by being a victim of being dominated either by his or her parents or be someone who had authority over him or her. In their subconscious they develop a domineering attitude towards other. They are forever sending others on errands or asking people to do what they should do for themselves.

The bottom line is to help the person see that they have a problem is a gentle and subtle way. This is because no matter how you wish to run away from such persons you cannot totally avoid them. They are at the airport, markets, schools, banks, bus, taxis or along the walkway.

Handling difficult people is a skill that you and I must curtail because difficult people are people in the first place and we need them.

More next time!

Femiimevbore@gmail.com
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www.lifebuilder.ecwid.com
 

www.elshaddaicovenantchurch.org  

Tuesday 26 April 2016

DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE

In handling this matter tact and understanding are two key ingredients that will ensure that you succeed in creating an atmosphere where you end up winning the other person over. A man of God once said it is better to lose a battle but win the war than the other way around. In other words went we deal with those we term difficult people our motives and goals are very important in the way things eventually turn out.

The first thing to consider is that very difficult person is a human being! That is to say, they deserve whatever every other human being deserves. Remember, the golden principle which says "Do unto others what you want other to do unto you". (Matthew 7:12)

The second thing to consider is that every difficult person is carrying a baggage of issues from their past. No man was born difficult but our experiences most times forge the way we behave. if this understanding is there what we need do is to empathize with them.

The third consideration is to ensure that another person behavior does not change who you are. A Pastor friend of mine once said you can respond to anything rather than react. If you always react to the way people treat then you are susceptible to manipulations. I once had this experience where my subordinates in the office always connived to work me up and I will burst out in anger. They will always have a laugh that they had succeeded to tune me into annoyance. They were having a field day until one of them confessed and then I knew that I had to change the way I respond to issue. Today they have left me alone because I no longer react to such ploys.

Having said that what do we do:-
1. Take time to study the personality of the person.
2. Find out as much as possible about the past and background of the person. You may just discover that you are not the issue but the person's inability to deal with past hurts and failures.
3. Try as much not to respond immediately. Allow some time to lapse so you can think through. This is not an easy thing to do but with practice you will master the act of slow response to insults and abuse.
4. Seek an audience with the person when things have simmered down. Ask him or her out for a cup of coffee or a drink and try and "break into" the person. There is no person who does not value and appreciate genuine love and care. This may be what they have been waiting for. When you are with them allow them to talk because you are looking for clues to crack their wall of defense.

More next time!

God bless you.

Femiimevbore@gmail.com
www.facebook.com/officialecc?ref=hl
www.lifebuilder.ecwid.com
 

www.elshaddaicovenantchurch.org  

Saturday 16 April 2016

DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE

Last time I tried to enumerate the characteristics of difficult people but I must admit that such generalizations in itself is not exclusive because there may be difficult person who may not overtly display any of these traits but are difficult nonetheless.

If someone is very quiet and withdrawn such a person may be difficult to get along with if the spouse is a boisterous and outgoing person.

Another consideration to take notice of is that what makes a person appear to be difficult in one situation may completely change if the situation or circumstance the person finds himself changes. Take a situation where the man is completely broke, out of job and is faced with a huge debt to settle. Such a person may become cranky and uptight but when his financial dilemma has been dealt with the person may revert to that loving spouse he used to be.

Therefore the first step in dealing with difficult people is to understand

1. Their temperament
2. What challenges they may be facing
3. What approach will best resolve any impasse between them.

We shall examine the steps to take next time.

God bless you.

Femiimevbore@gmail.com
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www.lifebuilder.ecwid.com
 

www.elshaddaicovenantchurch.org  

Wednesday 6 April 2016

HANDLING DIFFICULT PEOPLE

Last time I tried to explain that difficult people are persons who carry as it were a lot of emotional baggages. I do not for one moment believe there is anyone born with the tendency to be rude and uncouth. We are mostly products of our backgrounds and environment as far as our attitudes and behaviors are concerned.

So who is a difficult person? This is a subject that is sometimes difficult to agree on totally as what may be termed difficult in one situation may appear quite normal in another situation but basically there are some traits that are generally associated with difficult people.

1. A difficult person is STUBBORN - Stubbornness is the tendency to have one's way all the time. If one carries such a tendency into marriage, then one is clearly looking for trouble because in marriage compromise is a key ingredient to success.

2. A difficult person is DOMINEERING -this is the tendency to be bossy. To cajole others to do your bidding. Being domineering may not necessarily manifest as being aggressive because you can dominate your spouse without being aggressive. For example a wife who uses sex to dominate her husband may do so in a subtle way.

3. A difficult person is UNFORGIVING - this is the tendency to always bring the other's fault to fore whenever you have an argument. If you keep recycling the others faults and weak points then you have not really forgiven.

4. A difficult person is VENGEFUL - this is the tendency to always repay people for what they have done to you. The principle of an eye for an eye! I used to have a boss who will never take sorry from anyone, he must pay back or else he says he cannot sleep. Now such a disposition can only be taken by someone who can never do wrong. We all need to be forgiven at one time or the other so we need to extend mercy to all who deserve our mercy and to those who do not deserve our mercy.

5. A difficult person is INCORRIGIBLE - the tendency to make repeated mistakes in spite of corrections. It is okay to make a mistake but we are all expected to learn from our mistakes. Therefore when we make the same mistake over and over again, then it is either we have not learned our lessons or we are plainly stupid.

More next time!

God bless you.

Femiimevbore@gmail.com
www.facebook.com/officialecc?ref=hl
www.lifebuilder.ecwid.com
 

www.elshaddaicovenantchurch.org  

Friday 1 April 2016

HANDLING A DIFFICULT PARTNER

First of all I must apologize for another French leave which I had to take to be able to participate fully in our just concluded Easter Leadership Conference, a yearly retreat that brings all our leaders and other delegates from across the globe to Lagos for 4 days of teachings and worship alongside various workshops that leaves you more equipped to face the remaining year. I will like you to be my guest when next we meet at Easter.

Having said that, today's topic came to my mind as a result of a lecture I delivered in an Engineering Services company recently. Because I had to do a bit of research the topic really broadened my scope and made me realize that this is one problem that many face whether in the work place or at home.

Let me lay some foundations here before we delve into what ever I have to say.

The first thing I want to point out here at least in the marriage setting is that every relationship starts out with a lot of courtesy and kind words. Hardly will you stick to someone who is uncouth and rude to you. In fact as soon as the person begins to show signs of being difficult, you are likely going to call it quits. What I am trying to point out is that a difficult person may appear to be gentle and pleasant at the onset because he or she will want to put their best foot forward.

Secondly, being difficult is usually a consequence of background and upbringing. A child who grows up in a house where abuse and unkind words are the norm may very likely imbibe such behavior because he or she sees it as normal.

Thirdly, being a difficult person may arise out of a sudden traumatic experience which the person is unable to cope with psychologically and as a defense mechanism takes the posture of a aggressor.

Fourthly, the difficult person may be demon possesses. As much as you may want to dismiss this possibility, there is compelling evidence to show that many of people are influenced by powers beyond their control. There are many who cannot explain why they behave the way they do and I can only attribute such behavior to demonic manipulations.

It is pertinent to note that difficult people are human beings who are grappling with issues and unless we understand where they are coming from we will always react to them in a way that will always aggravate the situation.

If you spouse is difficult there is hope.

More next time

Femiimevbore@gmail.com
www.facebook.com/officialecc?ref=hl
www.lifebuilder.ecwid.com
 

www.elshaddaicovenantchurch.org