There are some people who just cannot take the fact that their spouse cheated on them and may become violent in handling such news.
The younger sister told me the story of a man who was the first boyfriend his wife ever had. He was the first person to ever have sex with her and so he would always boast that no other man on earth had ever had carnal knowledge of his wife. This confidence made the man believe that irrespective of whatever he did the girl would never leave him for another man. So he started to have other affairs even to the knowledge of the girl. Unknown to him, when he traveled out of his location for a while the girl met another man who had a brief affair with her and went to bed with her. When he came back, they continued and eventually got married because the affair the girl had was a fling.
Over time they both became Christians but the husband was in the habit of always boasting that he was the only one that has ever slept with her. This confession began to have an effect on her and her conscience began to prick her because what the husband was always boasting about was a lie and anytime he made the statement she felt the weight of guilt.
So one day she decided to tell him the truth that when he traveled out of town for a lengthy period she had a brief affair with someone else and that he is not the only man that has ever slept with her. This confession blew a fuse which almost led to the total collapse of their marriage but for the intervention of their Pastor who felt the girl did the right thing.
While recognizing the fact that I may not have all the answers, I strongly believe that the balance to this issue of secrets in a marriage starts from day one. Knowing that we all have different temperaments, it is important to seat down and agree on certain things before you start this journey together. It is important to agree on how the two of you will resolve conflicts; it is at this stage that your resolve all secrets by being transparent. (I strongly recommend you read the Book 4 Things Intending Couples Must Agree on Before Marriage by Dr. James Iruobe.)
If at this stage your spouse decides to back out of the marriage you have not lost anything and my take is that the person does not deserve someone like you.
If you are already marriage and in this dilemma, I counsel that you see your Pastor who will be able to handle the issue with spirituality and tact.
Finally, I recognize that some people by their nature or experience are secretive and when one is married to such a person just make up your mind that there are things you are likely to find out latter about your spouse. It is even worse when you marry someone that does not take anything serious and is likely to downplay the implications of not revealing things to you from the onset.
The "secret" is to know and understand your spouse and be willing to forgive if eventually things that you never knew about him comes to light. After all we all have out little secrets which we pray never comes to limelight.
God bless you.
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