So far we have looked at Neglected and Pseudo marriages and today we shall be examining what I call INTRUDERS MARRIAGE.
In this type of marriage, it is third party opinions and suggestions that rule the marriage. It is the advice of family members and friends that dictate what goes on in the home.
The major draw back of this type of marriage is that the couple keep using other people's parameters to assess their own marriage. They compare their marriage that of their friends and want to be like the "Jones".
This usually comes as a result of wanting to be accepted by the third party and so their opinions are what they couple adhere to. The refuse to understand that every marriage is unique and the challenges one marriage faces may be exactly the same the other is facing. It is also a problematic type of marriage because the temperaments of the couple may be quite different from the temperament of those who are giving advice and so instead of things getting better they end up worse.Marriage is a union of TWO and not three or more people. Two is company and three is a crowd the popular saying goes!
In Africa we often say that marriage is a union between two families but must as this is true to an extent, the idea is that the two families involved have become relatives but the fact that their children are married and it has nothing to do with controlling the home of the married couple.
Much as good advice helps to clarify issues in the home, the ultimate responsibility for taking decision should be the couples.
Imagine a situation where a couple has five girls and the mother of the man is pressuring them to give her a grandson because the man happens to be the only son of his mother. Very soon the woman will give birth to ten girls if care is not taken. Such a marriage is under the control of the mother of the man.
I remember in my growing days I have a friend who advised me to break free from the aprons of my mother because I am an only son. At that time there was nothing that happened to me without my mother. In fact my life revolved around her because I loved her so much. It was the friend that made me understand that if I was not careful, my mother would decide for me who to marry and control my life. I had to make my mother understand that though I loved her dearly I had my own life to live.
Every couple especially the man must draw a line in his home beyond which no third party is allowed to exceed if his marriage must work. To report your husband or wife to friends and family members is the most dangerous thing to do because they are likely to advise you wrongly or at refrain from telling the truth because they do not want to hurt you or lose your friendship.
Remember, marriage is for two. Keep all third parties at bay! Resolve all issues between you and your partner and with God on your side, you marriage will succeed in Jesus name.
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