However, the challenge is that of two people from different backgrounds and cultures coming together to forge a common outlook on family and life. The process of building the right bridge of friendship is what I want to consider in this write up.
The first thing to note is that once you marry you must make it one of your goals to befriend your spouse. If you are lucky to marry someone who has been a friend for a long time especially a former classmate of someone you grew up with in the same neighborhood, then you are favored to have crossed the first hurdle. So the starting point is DESIRE. Growing up there have been friends that I had to make special effort to keep their friendship and many times still failed because while I was willing to invest in the friendship they were not so keen.
The second important variable to consider is that becoming friends takes time. It is a process that requires time and energy (resources). You cannot say someone you just met is your friend because what appears at first sight may be completely misleading. That is why I have repented from the school of thought that says you can fall in love at first sight. What happens at first sight is "Attraction". There are things you notice about the other person that draws you towards the person but if you are not careful you may be attracted to a "lie" or "make believe". Remember that this process may take an entire lifetime so you must be willing to invest what is needed.
The third things to note in building friendship with your spouse is the principle of give and take. Selfishness and being overbearing are such poisons against any friendship. If you are someone who always like to have his or her way, you will not make a good friend to anyone even your spouse. from my own little experience, I have discovered that friends always have a way of influencing each other to do what they ordinarily would not do. Even when you do not feel like going somewhere you friend can make you go.
Fourthly, friendship involves honesty and being frank with each other. If you have a friend who is secretive and dishonest, very soon such a friendship will break down irrevocably.
I have often asked myself what is required from me to make my spouse a friend and I have discovered the following over time:-
(1) My wife expects me to be there for her ALWAYS
(2) My wife expects me to LISTEN to her
(3) My wife expects me to be CARING - show concern for her feelings
(4) My wife expects me to SHARE my free moments with her and the family
(5) My wife expects me to take responsibility for certain things - BE THE MAN
My list may not apply automatically to you but if you carefully analyze the situation, you will discover that basically all women want these things in common.
Will deal with what men want next write up
Be blessed.
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