Let me try to sustain this discuss a little further by referring to some statistics. It has been shown by various statistics that India has the lowest rate of divorce in the world put about 1.1 % as compared to that of the US put at about 4.5%. Unfortunately, for Nigeria we do not have any reliable statistics.
While some of the statistics may be debatable, it is without doubt that for must underdeveloped country marriage seemed to be more stable - does this suggest that poverty is a factor in marital stability? We will look at this later.
I heard Dr. Ravi Zacharias born in India, tell the story of his elder brother who was a Christian Computer Scientist, living in Canada who married a girl he never met until the day of the engagement. When he was ready to marry, he told his parents his requirements and they looked for the girl for him back home in India. He relied on the wisdom of his parents to look for the right girl for him. When he was asked why he was taking such a risk, he made a profound statement to his brother saying "love is a matter of the will than it is of emotions". When Dr. Ravi was sharing this testimony they had been married for more than13 years.
Such a story might sound incredible in our present age because we have been led to believe that love is all about having "butterflies in your stomach" and that falling in love with someone makes the person Mr or Mrs Right. In the Indian culture, marriages where contracted by the parents for their children and the statistics tell the whole story.
My father in the Lord, Dr. James Iruobe once said that his attitude to marrying someone you love is that conviction must come before love. That is to say, as a believer in Christ, the first step is to be convicted that the person is the one God has ordained for you and therefore you begin to love her.
The folly of marrying someone just because you love the person has its pitfall in the fact that love is based on feelings and emotions. We know that our feelings change and our emotions are subject to control by our circumstances and experiences. There are times in my own marriage that I have felt like I was in the wrong relationship (after having a quarrel with my wife) but I have been kept going because I am convinced that she is God's choice for me.
If my wife and I relied only on our feelings and emotions we would not have been able to survive the 25 years we have been together. I have made up my mind that in spite of everything that I will love my wife because that is God commandment whether I feel like it or not. I am not at liberty to pick and choice which of God's commandment I want to obey and especially as it concerns marriage, when I realize that I am "stuck" with my wife for life, I had better do myself a world of good to begin to love her the way Christ loved the church.
Finally, I have seen that when people marry their friends, especially people they grew up with, without the over bearing "cloud nine" feeling, such marriage stay strong. They stick together because they are friends and not primarily for any exotic feelings.
This is in no way an attempt to diminish the place of emotions or feelings but an attempt to put things in perspective. Without doubt, I am married to the most beautiful girl in the world and up till now I find my wife very attractive but the point is that all her physical endowments has not stopped us from having issues. In fact if you ask my wife, she will tell you that I am the must difficult person in the world to live with but in spite of all my faults she has made up her mind to stick with me.
This is the crust of the matter.
May the Lord bless you marriage and prosper you and your spouse. May his grace take you above the challenges of live and give you his peace which passes understanding in Jesus name, Amen.
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